Anatomy of a Galactic Crisis: Mourinho's Real Madrid, Tactical Anarchy, and La Liga War

Hello and welcome to the TFO Football Podcast brought to you by EA Sports FC27. Today I'm delighted to be joined by Colin Miller. Hello you. Hey buddy, how's it going? I'm very well. How are you? I'm well. Thank you. Also joined by Alex Barker. Hello. Hello. Okay. Yes. Okay. Great stuff. And Kaya Kainan. Hola a bonjour. Hola a bonjour. Yeah. Now plus Steve Hanky's here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's just crazy. Okay. Where did that come from, Steve? Is that because I forgot to say goodbye to you at the end of the podcast, which just happened a minute ago. This guy has gone crazy. Okay. Now, what's on the podcast today? Well, other than Steve Hanky telling me to f*** off, we've got, is Joe Semmerinio better at operating wireless printers than we assumed well. We discussed that in the context, of course, of the rail Madrid boss, blaming officials for their defeat to city arrivals at Letico. We learn what the equivalent phrase for loggerheads is in Spanish. Guess what? There is one. I wasn't expecting that to be one, but very exciting. Now, is it a literal or idiomatic translation will let our Spanish audience decide Google did it for us? There you go. No. Which is very successful for one person here. It's f***ing. I mean, that is a spoiler. Don't tell them. Okay. The spoiler was cut. The spoiler, you don't know who it was successful for. The spoiler was cut. It's fine. Yeah. After the rondo, we talked about Brentford. And we give that Alex a rundown of the bees and wasps he should be afraid of, because as it turns out, he currently fears the sweetest and gentlest of bees, the bumble bee. In fact, have you seen, isn't there a Transformers movie called Bumblebee? Yes. Maybe if you watched it. I love that film. Yeah, that's great, isn't it? Yeah. Does that help ease your phobia of bumblebees at all? No, I'm caught in two minds. I know bees are good for the environment, and you want to protect them. They're lovely. They're not going to hurt you. And in the same part of my brain, it's sort of, you know, it's claiming for their extinction. I would wish they'd never appeared anywhere near me ever again. That's how I feel about people. Yeah. It's funny that, isn't it? You get a glass and some paper. You can trap people. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Very big glass. Now, Alex also makes a frankly outrageous claim about rhinos that will come to later. That's, that's, I, I can't even speak of it. Now, we then move on to France and discuss a solid start for Monaco. And bad times for Olympic Marseille, plus Kaya's film club returns. Many people have been asking for it. One to skip, though, I would say if you are a fan of the film Troy, and that's the end of the show. That's right at the end. So you can just leave that off there. There we go. A couple of things to say before we get started. Ring for analysis this week, which is our audio exclusive episode only out on Spotify, Apple podcasts, wherever you get your audio podcasts. That's out on Saturday. This week, it's me and Seb Stafford Blore talking about goalkeepers, a really interesting article. No live stream on Sunday this week, as it's an international break, of course. But next Tuesday, we will be back in video form with Kaya Kineck, Ruben Pinder and Tom Harris. Steve is all. That is all. Okay, let's crack on with the show. Well, where else to begin, of course, then with Rayal Madrid? I don't say that very often. We don't normally begin with Rayal Madrid, but today we will begin with Rayal Madrid, because La Liga is seven games old, as we speak. And at this early stage, free scoring Barcelona have opened up a six-point gap on Rivals Rayal Madrid already. Rayal's second spell under the watchful eye of José Moreno has seen some of the less savory tropes of life under the Portuguese emerge already. Big surprise. I'm sure we're all very surprised that they had it occurred. Let's begin with the recent refereeing scandal. That was the most fun thing that happened in the last week or so, because, of course, after Madrid's two-one defeat to City Rivals at Letico, Moreno went to the press conference wielding an A4 printout that he claims illustrated Rayal's unfair treatment by officials in the game. I believe he believed that a Letico Madrid should have had two red cards. Colin, this complaint, this scandal has grown into something much larger than just the Moreno complaint in the press conference. What has happened? OK, so let's go back to that Sunday match in Madrid, Derby. Athleticum, we did won the game two-one. No, the game was conditioned by a lot of refereeing decisions. The first two of which, and this was what Moreno came in holding as the A4 printouts with the two challenges by Athleticum, Madrid players, Kangin Lee and Christian Romero, he believed should have been red cards. Look, let's set this aside for a minute. Looking back at those challenges, there's a very strong debate, both of those could have been red cards, maybe should have been red cards, but they weren't scripted Romero, so almost certainly was a red card. Yeah, well, I think Christian Romero was very much sort of intertwined with Diego Simeone's virtually, and in terms of how he conducts himself on the pitch. So that's maybe not too much of a surprise in itself. And the thing I want to know, actually, is that everybody in your game in holding these pieces of A4, a paper with this sort of printer that they obviously would have had in the dressing room. Yeah. If it's like any printer that I've ever had, sort of the Wi-Fi that you need to connect it to, the issues you have of it, and you know, he's probably in a sort of enhanced emotional state as it is, so I can only imagine the frustration you would go through and try to connect all that up. But anyway, I mean, he's clearly directed a PA to do this for me, so it's not a way to read those ever printed something out on his own. Well, it's a little bit like, I think Donald Trump does this as well, doesn't he, whenever he's trying to prove some point that he'll have, have some image printed out with some tangentially material, physical evidence. I mean, I do think it is, I'm reticent to use the term boomer, which all young people love using. But I do believe this to be a signal of age, at the very least, because I genuinely couldn't tell you the last time I used a printer, but I do love the notion that there's a specific type of man that will print something out and hand it to you as a physical item. Therefore, it holds more sway than if it was shown to you on the screen. Well, it's a bit like a fax machine, isn't that because the fax machine was a very small period of time, whatever it was revolutionary and then became very quickly dated. But yes, anyway, going back to the actual decisions themselves, those were the record not given. Real Madrid themselves got a record. Dean Huyson was sent off from the resulting penalty of which Atlético Madrid scored. They didn't score another McIntyneau until they were going to go to school as a consolation goal. Madrid lose 2-1. Second to feed at the season. As you say, 6 points behind Barcelona, but it was the press conference as it usually is with Jose Mourinho after a defeat, which kind of gets the headlines. With Mourinho, he is a master of deflecting away from a performance or an outcome which he doesn't like. And I think that's the case here. Not that he is wrong, necessarily what he said, but in how he dictated tonight, if they're after. But he went sort of beyond the individual decisions. He criticized the head of the referee body for the referee they appointed for this game. He made very strong allegations against the VAR official, essentially, regarding previous matches. There had been an essentially that they weren't fit to VAR that game, essentially. This is all sort of expected in a way in Spanish football, this is kind of poor for the course. However, the fall out from that was that the La Liga president, Javier Tabas, then comes out with a tweet several days later in which he says that Madrid are essentially living in this fantasy land of delusion and conspiracy theories. Living in another galaxy is how he put it. It's a fantastic quote. It's incredible. And then listen, Tabas is a character who is quite open with his statements on things he's quite eye-spoken. He likes to stir things up a little bit. And there's a history of this kind of conflict between Real Madrid or the super league clubs and Javier Tabas, who would have stood on the other side of that. Exactly. So, institutionally, Real Madrid and La Liga are diametrically opposed on pretty much every single issue that there is. What Spanish for loggerheads? Let's just check. Does it have a translation? Loggerheads. That is quite niche. It feels like loggerheads. Oh. I mean, it does say something. I don't know what this means. Just to be clear, Steve Hanky, I'm about to say something. I do. It means loggerheads. It says, en pie, diguerre, alegrenia. I lost it. It was really well pronounced. I enjoyed that. Let's translate that back into English and see what that actually means, because sometimes you get a loggerhead. So up in arms, loggerheads, it does mean something, it does mean that, en pie, diguerre, alegrenia. Yeah. The ghetto means war in other contexts as well. Wow. Wow. Idiomatic or literal translation. Do you know I didn't think that that would be a satisfactory aside? But it's worked out fine. Well, I also just typed in loggerheads and I find a loggerhead is actually a type of sea turtle, which I was completely unaware of. Anyway, that's entirely by the by. How many types of sea turtle are there? No, go on, go on, go on. Institutionally, these two, these two bodies are far apart, so that legal want to play a game in the US. Real Madrid also want to play a game in the US, but they oppose that legal fans. Every single thing they are separated on, okay, and it goes back to the separate league and even before then, right? But then real Madrid come out for statements and actually Tabas is, you know, he's not fit to hold this position because of the positions he takes on our club for singling our site and so on and so forth. And Tabas is tweet that he put out. He attached an article from a Madrid-based journalist, essentially arguing that, you know, a Madrid or, you know, get unfearable refereeing decisions, Tabas calls him a moist piece for the club. And this again, this is a very sort of Spanish thing that a lot of, by the way, your journalist, can I ask you, can you imagine if the head of the Premier League tweeted an article that you'd written and called your mouthpiece for Arsenal or something? Yeah, I mean, on one hand, this is both totally insane, yet also entirely par for the course for what we expect in this environment. So I think this is important to put across, right, in a sort of Spanish football culture. It is so divided in that sense that there's so much conspiracy about it and there's so much paranoia on all sides, right? And I just think this is one of those cases where there's a lot of public statements to sort of play to the gallery, I think. So like Tabas is coming out and saying all this, but realistically, nothing's going to happen to Real Madrid. Sure. We might, you know, we don't want to be a part of this anymore. We don't want to play a part of your institution. We don't respect you. You should be replaced. Ultimately, that doesn't mean anything. It's playing to their own fan base, which is what Merino was doing to in his press conference, right? Yeah. So I think that this is an environment in which Merino probably still very much enjoys, right? This is his sort of, this is his theater. This is what he likes doing. Yeah. And he, he thrives in it. I mean, no matter what we think about Merino, and I'm sure we all have opinions on him as a coach and even as an individual. I don't think we can deny that he provides good content for, for these types of situations. And we might not think that's a good thing for football, but in terms of going beyond football and in terms of having a bit of a bit of spice added to things, he, he certainly, he certainly still does that all these years on. Well, my favorite bit of this story is that his, Merino's reciprocating of this living in another galaxy was to insist that Tabas resign, which I think is such a funny thing to do in almost any situation. I can't imagine a scenario where outside of maybe, you know, a prime minister or a president or something, I would insist on someone's resignation. Very fun. I just think it's, you know, Merino may be outdated tactically, maybe he's methods of man management, training, whatever arguments are updated. He's still the best distractor in the world because we spent five minutes talking about is there a conspiracy against Ramadrid and all his print that images and not the facts that Barcelona were crushing him in the league. Ramadrid looks set to lose that league again, go trophies us three seasons in a row, not talking about all the issues they're still facing. Did you guys see the average position map from the game, Ramadrid was there to go? It was like, Vinicius and Bappé were on the same spot, all of these issues still exist, but he's distracted us. Well, on that note, let's talk about that because, um, and Bappé was asked recently as way, I think it was a little annoyed about this, but it was asked recently whether he and Vinicius Jr. get along after the pair have been criticized following the defeat and this was the defeat against severe. Um, he said, it's one of the millions of opinions that Ramadrid, I can't control what's being said. Didn't actually answer the question. I mean, I was going to start here by just asking if it's all bad vibes because, you know, it seems to be from, from the outside. All we hear is that Barcelona are score, well, Barcelona, this is democratic and Barcelona have started the season like a whirlwind, seven wins from their first seven La Liga games, 31 goals scored, seven conceded. They're a massively positive vibes around camp now. Is it, before we come on and talk about that same old, you know, problem of position, is it all bad vibes at Ramadrid or is it, is it other some good things? Well, the fact that the Barcelona point is kind of crucial because everything that happened at one club was kind of conditioned by what's happening at the other, right? So like, really, Barcelona are going to be almost certainly the top two teams in La Liga as they are 90% of the time. Yeah. So if one of the other clubs isn't doing so well, that just automatically helps everything. If they're flying, it doesn't, it has the opposite effect. So that is relevant. And I don't think Barcelona are, are a flawless team. I mean, they're clearly at the minute playing incredibly exciting attack and football. And they're playing teams who are maybe a little bit conducive to that. They haven't played maybe a top level team so far this season. I think Real Madrid have had tougher matches. Obviously, a way to add a good Madrid is a keynote fixture. They lost a real bettis, Juan Nell, but again, bettis are flying in the league and they were a little bit unlucky in that game. Actually, they actually played quite well. So there are conditioning factors to this. However, yeah, Real Madrid have issues and the issues stem from performering your team. And a lot of this was to do with the environment. It was at the club last season, right? And the sort of toxicity that existed, that kind of was the running theme throughout the last several coaches. But obviously, when Javi Alonso came in, he only lasted a couple of months, wasn't really able to assert his, his authority. Which many people thought he would because of his playing career and his standing and his status and what he achieved at Levarco's and then he couldn't do it. Yeah. Obviously, the Alvaro Arbeloestin was a bit, Florentino Perez is a guy in the dog out for a couple of months while they worked on a permanent solution. But while all that was going on, you had players fighting each other at training, this was all documented between Fetty Valverde and Chua Mani. Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah. And then we bet that stuff like that, it is in scene, but a lot of the public statements from players and experienced players and captains of the team, like Danny Connover-Halls, wider standing, really newsdives in terms of how he conducted himself during last season and the, all these differing voices and different political points that come in order to the club and players were being self-serving and everything else. And I think you have to understand where he knew his appointment and that context, because one of the points I wanted to bring up was if you any other top-level club in World Football or even below the top-level many of them might not consider Merino as a viable option anymore, but Merino is loved in Madrid, no, partly the love of that is from Florentino Perez himself, because Florentino Perez does not trust or respect any coach in World Football. He doesn't really think the position should exist. He doesn't really think they add anything. He thinks he could do that job. The one person he has implicit trust in is Jose Merino, whom he loves, because of, I think largely because of his first spell in charge, which helped and that Pep Guardiola team, but in Perez's mind also set up the future Champions League successes, even though it wasn't Merino that won them, it was his sort of building of a team and a culture that could sort of go on and play. Which it might be for. Yeah, maybe it is. I don't think it's entirely untrue and that's not forget that certainly the first half of Merino's coaching career was astonishing in terms of, in terms of what it did tactically, culturally, it changed football in many, many ways. Yeah. No, the past decade or so has been a little bit different. The clubs he's managed has all have also been different with lower expectations, but Real Madrid was the only top club that would have even considered appointing Merino this. Yeah, that's true. So, I'm kind of wondering, he's the perfect fit there because of what's going on outside of the field. The club would argue that you need a presence in that dressing room that can essentially stomp out that toxicity and no other coach would have been able to do that in Real Madrid's eyes. No, maybe there's a point to that. So even before we get into the tactical elements, which do exist, absolutely, they do exist. And also, which could be on Merino because Real Madrid haven't replaced Tony Croust, haven't replaced Luke and Modrich for the past two years. Yeah. So they can't control games anymore. They just cannot do it in the way that other top teams do. The specific part of the tactical element I'm interested in though, and this is, I'll ask you this Alex, because it relates to Merino being there, Vinicius, Junior and Bappé, you mentioned that average positions map where they're essentially in the same place. We've known for a long time that it's not always straightforward for these two players to play together because they lean into the same sort of areas, right? Given that the club wanted to keep Vinny Junior and didn't sell him, let's forget about whether that was Merino's decision or not. And let's forget how upset Cairo is, but I know you're happy on you because the real, the Christians on this clan came together, that's right. Yeah, I never wanted to. You never wanted to do it anyway. Here's my question. Is Merino in some ways not the best manager to hire in those circumstances, given that the club have decided they want these two players, they want both of these players to play, you know, the tactical solution here is to not play one of those players. And that's not going to happen. So do you not need a manager that doesn't have a tactics first solution and it has a different solution first? Well, I mean, yeah, but that's not to say the other solution works, right? It's, I just look at Rammadrid, right? And this is my top downary before I get in a bit more detail. Even if you look at the league tops, they want under Carlo Ancelotti. If you look at the numbers, even just in points one, both so underlying numbers as well, they were consistently the worst league winners of the top five leagues. And Carlo Ancelotti. Under Carlo Ancelotti. When they won the most recent La Liga titles, if you look at the points, they were just nowhere near as dominant as like they weren't winning league titles in a man's sissy way, or in a, you know, a bi-immune equate, for example, right? And that's because they are predominantly a cup team. They are not well set up to dominate leagues. And I just think, again, this is a top down summary. I don't watch every La Liga match, of course, but Rammadrid were benefiting from Barcelona being a mess during that time. Now Barcelona, under flick, they are stable. They are a team designed to destroy smaller teams in La Liga, so they can romp to league titles. Their weakness probably comes in the Champions League because they have such a risky style of play. And Rammadrid have suffered, I think, from other teams around Europe, like PSG, like Arsenal, for example, up in their game in Europe as well. So they're no longer dominant there, they're never going to win La Liga, so now they're just stuck in a cycle of negativity. And just in the more, like, detail point, we mentioned Bappé and Vinicius being in the same position. It's not just a, you know, you can have players like move around, Arsenal having a moment, right? Like Kaya Havas isn't just strictly staying up front. That's not the issue, it's the way they play. I remember the first game, the first games I've watched when Bappé moved to Rammadrid is Rodrigo, Kylian and Bappé, Vinicius. It's not just they're all hovering in the same area of the pitch, they're all like looking to receive posters of touch line or in wider areas and make the exact same run inside. And what that means is it just models each other's runs, they get in each other's way. If it was a case of, I don't know, Vinicius wanting to stick to the touch line and then take players on and Bappé was just staying a bit more narrow and just wanting to get into that half space you'd say, then maybe it'd work, but they kind of all want to get on the ball and they all want to dribble what defenders. So, I don't know, I just think around with Rodrigo, I can't see with Marinho or not, then getting out of this cycle any time soon. I don't think there's many managers who could solve the issues that Rammadrid had right now. So Marinho, a bit like a CTAL tool is kind of an endangered species in the sense that you've been sitting on that for 10 minutes. Well, I think I wouldn't sneak that in, but he's kind of, there's not many ifs. So let me just wait for the conversations to come back around so I can mention CTAL. These things all come back around eventually. Yeah, yeah. Well, a bit like Marinho's managerial style, he might be thinking that it's come back around eventually. I don't know that it is and I don't know that that style is working because there are those fundamental flaws and Collins has been speaking about the issues in last season's dressing room. I think the kind of the only thing, I don't know if you need like a big character's going and kind of... Or a big shell. Yeah, or a big shell to sort of smash some plates and sort of throw some China around the half time, you know, the T's that they throw around. That's right. Maybe you could use flippers to more quickly navigate through deeper water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd like to, I don't know, use some plastic straws or something. Right. That's not what they need in the dressing room right now. It's a dressing room full of plastic straws. It's a dressing room full of plastic straws. Yeah, absolutely right. But I'm not sure that paper straws are the solution here. I think that... So five today. What's needed is they need to start winning games and they just need to start winning things again like Roman Druid or nothing matters at all if you win that's their whole thing as a club. Got it. Particularly on the Florenceino parades. And you can't win games with Alex outlined all those players in the same team because it's not just Vinyan and Bappie that people focus on is belling him as well. It's Rodrigo when he's fit. It's how you do the best. He's not fit right now. I don't think he's... Yeah, he's feeling different. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of those players trying to get an enderick eventually, but he needs... I'll do that as well. I'll do that as well. Yeah. How do you get those guys on the same team? Yeah. Because the Amanda. Yeah, and the Amanda is another one. And the moment that led to the red card that Dean Housen got against her, that's Roman Druid. It comes because I can't... As it... It's Hansko, the centre-back who plays the ball over the top, and he's given A because of space to lift his head up, play the ball over the top, and he finds the guy who's running behind. I think it's Simeone. And Housen has fallen asleep and has got no choice but to bring him down. That doesn't happen pretty much. I can't think of any other big team that would allow that kind of... I mean, Chelsea have kind of done it a bit recently, but I don't know of many big teams who have aspirations of winning Champions League and league titles who would allow that sort of space and time to their opposition off the board, just doesn't happen. And the reason it happens at Roman Druid is because they've got all these competing factors that Alex was talking about. And as long as those continue to exist, I don't think there's a single manager that can do what they need. So you look at the PSG example a few years ago, it's slightly different because I'm Bappe wanted to leave, but Roman Druid had the opportunity this summer, kind of, a natural and organic opportunity when Arsenal came in for Vinnie Jr. to kind of make a bold decision, probably a slightly unpopular one, but a bold decision that maybe would have been to the best for them in the long run. I mean, ironically now, Colin correct me if I'm wrong, but I was reading and asked with the other day that fans are being Vinnie's Jr. Yeah. A multitude of reasons, but one of them was that some of interest don't think he's just to find his new contract. Yeah. Well, I think this, in the piece that I think it's by Dermott Corrigan, he said that a lot of them would have been quite happy for Vinnie to leave in the summer. And I kind of get that, it's not that he's not a great player. I think he's a fantastic player, one of the best in the world, but I think you kind of have to move on from one of him or in Bappe when that opportunity came along where it kind of was best for all parties and you could do it in a way that didn't seem like anyone was kind of throwing shade in any way or anyone was causing any issues. They probably should and could have, could and should have taken it. They haven't. And now they're kind of, they've signed themselves up for this psychodrama going forward for years to come where how do you fit all these competing factors into the same team? And they've, seems like they've convinced themselves that a manager is the solution to that. But I'm not convinced. And as long as they're not winning games and not winning trophies, then I think those dressing issues are going to continue and just don't see as it, if they continue down this path, how it gets better for them in the short term. Well, I think you just mentioned, but they didn't win a trophy in the last two seasons. Yeah. They may not win one this season, certainly not looking, you know, it's not looking great for La Liga after seven games. I'm trying to think when the last time Real Madrid would have gone for three years without winning a trophy of some kind was, but you know, it would have been at least over 10, 15 years. Would it first galacticos? Yeah. They didn't win for a while. Whenever Zidane said they took out the engine and silently. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. That's a long time ago. It's a long time. And maybe there's some more recent than that. But, but point being, it's not a team that's used to not winning things. I mean, I suppose they are in that sense, they remind me the most of that Manchester United team just after Ferguson that weren't winning, but also weren't used to not winning. Not like that now. But just, but just very, very quickly on this. Yeah. We talk about Madrid being in crisis or whatever. I mean, like, it's, it's on the, what, seven games into the league season. Yeah. Seven whole games, Colin. But they've won. They've won five of them, right? Bust on a half. Not good enough Colin. Not good enough Colin. Not good enough Colin. I, these, these tea, you can go if you're a Spanish team or if you're a PSG or you're a Bayern Munich, you can go through rough patches. You can go through a bad season and still win the league or in worst case you finish second. If you're a Premier League club and you go through a bad season, you're in the table. Yeah. No matter who you are. If you have a bad season, you drop down this as you lose, that champions league revenue, your entire club structure has been changed. But we talk about Real Madrid that is in, like, there's some sort of long-term issue here. Ultimately, they're going to be at a similar level the year after year, even if they're not performing at their utmost. So it's a different context. He's worth saying also, Danny Taylor of the Athletic interview to kill you in a Bappé. There's a 45 minute long video on the Athletic FC podcast YouTube channel worth checking out. And there's an interview on the site as well. I, I was most interested in the part where, where I'm Bappé was talking about Marinho. Partly because, like, so he said, he calls him a smart man, a great leader. He, he, he, he seems very genuine in his assessments. And I think that's fair, right? I think if any of us here met Joseph Marinho. Has anyone met Joseph Marinho? No. If any of us did, a press conference with him once. Right. Yeah, that's not quite the same. No. No. But it's cool, though. It was cool. Yeah. I felt the aura in reference to what you're saying. But there you go. I think if any of us met him, I think, you know, there's one thing sitting around here talking about how he's tactically washed whatever he's a sea turtle and all the other things that we're talking about. You, but you meet someone like them real life. You go like, oh my god, this guy's, this guy's incredible. You know, he's got his aura. You feel it in the press room, press conference room. I'm sure he is very smart. He certainly knows a lot about football. So I believe that killing a Bappé believes that what I'm curious about is what those young guys thought about him before he came in. You know, think about it now. Are that how aware are they of the conversations that we might have, where we say, well, he's maybe not tactically as relevant a coach anymore? Do footballers even think about it in that sense? At what point in the training ground? How many weeks in, oh, oh, when Kiddian Bappé's going to start whispering to, oh, they're good. It's marina. It's actually not that good. It's just me. It's a serious question, isn't it? Because, you know, it's easy to think that footballers must look at football in the same way that we do. And I think very likely that they don't. I'm sure they think about it in a completely different way. I expect that, you know, we've talked about the notion before that maybe footballers think about tactics as hard work in some case, or like the notion of, you know, they think about it more as a notion of having to learn something. You know, you've heard players who have been interviewed after joining Pep Guardiola's Manchester City and describing those first few months as a bit of a whirlwind trying to get to grips with everything that was going on there. So maybe the players don't care at all, but I was just really curious like what they'd be saying to each other. What they actually think about this guy, who they must know the narrative around social media is, is not the guy anymore. I mean, it doesn't quite answer your question, but it ties into, let's say we get a few months in and, you know, no whispers do start happening on the training ground. They start, you know, talking about marina thinking he's not, you know, not good enough. What we're talking about here is like the moment where I'm a drift, like you say, are they ever going to become that tactically cohesive team in Man City? And it's pleasing to what you talk about before Colin, where they're never going to fall out low in the league. So they're never going to have, they're never going to have a Tottenham Hot Spur or Manchester United where they finish 10th and go, wow, we are really like we, we need to like overhaul everything top to bottom. You're always going to finish second because after that's a go Madrid or even worsey run, which I know is not what I mean. But they're always going to finish like in the top two and they'll always get what you know. The players are great as far as just the manager. We don't need to do too much here. They never have that moment where they boss out and go, oh, we, no, no, we need to completely change what we're doing here. I think for players, they place a lot of importance on what a coach or manager has won and their career, rather than what necessarily what they're saying in this moment and what they've done the past year. Do they see this status of this guy who obviously has huge charisma, huge amount of charm? He's, he's hugely analytical as well. But I think if you're a footballer, it's, it's the background of the person speaking to you, right? So if we go back to sort of Chelsea last season, I think one of the main reasons that Rossini has struggled is that he wasn't from a background, which was like an elite playing career or a career in coaching where he's gone somewhere and won all these trophies and can come in. I think players say like this guy, what, what has he done? Why, why, why should we be listening to what he says? But if it's Merino, you just automatically listen because of what he has done or if it's a hard or a hard, I mean, he didn't come from a, you know, significant playing career. That's true. Yeah, that is true, but he built it up before he did in Portugal with Porto, obviously. Yeah. And then so on and so forth. But it was like, this is, and this is real Madrid stressorium. This is where it ends to Dan just as an aura figure can come in and just command instant respect, right? Wasn't, wasn't a manager before or after until he was on the front, of course, but hadn't done anything anywhere else. But at Madrid, it was like, what he said, players just fully bought India. And if a player fully buys into an idea, that's half the bat. No matter what the, even if the idea isn't necessarily the right one, or the one that is the best for leading to success, buying into something and not having that rupture is very important. That cohesiveness is huge for a club like Madrid to have. And again, that circles back the white Perez loves him so much. Yeah. It's just to have that unity, which Madrid usually do not. I think also in his, maybe not in his defense, but in the defense of, of Florentino Perez. I didn't think I was going to say that. In Florentino, I always thought that you always thought. You always suspected. You know, I used to love defending him when he, when he made those comments about how maybe football games should be shorter. Because I was kind of like, yeah, maybe they should guys. Maybe they should, you know, let's not all throw it, throw it out straight away. But no, in Florentino Perez's defense, I think, you know, I was, I was, he's not here to reference his own book. John McKenzie, the spectra of Pep. But there, there's a, there's a significant marineo chunk in there, which is quite fun. And it is worth saying, you know, you see, it's, we haven't gone into much depth about why we would consider him not maybe a tactical equivalent these days of the, of the best tactical coaches. But it's because he's a proponent of an oldest style of football, of a style of football that was very successful in the 2000s. You know, he's, his, his main thing is what's called tactical periodization, which is an approach to training. It's not just the type of training you do. It's the whole approach to training. But the most simple way of describing it is, is putting the players in game type situations in all of their football training. And, you know, with the hope that they learn to resolve and solve the problems of a football pitch on their own and empowering the players. Which is something that over the last 15 years or so has, has been overhauled as a positive tactical approach by positionalist coaches like Pep Guardiola. But having said that, Real Madrid have made it abundantly clear. But initially prior to the hiring of Javier Lanzo, and then immediately after the sacking of Javier Lanzo, that they don't, the players there and or the club don't want to be a team that play in this modern positionalist sense. They have players of incredible quality who maybe are better at solving problems on, on their own or certainly are better at solving problems on their own than many players elsewhere. So it's not a surprise to me at all that a coach like Merino would be less effective at a less big club. It's not a surprise that he wouldn't be able to do as well with, let's just say Manchester United, for example, where, you know, this I have very good players, but they don't have players who are of the quality that can completely dominate the league in a way that he does a Real Madrid. So that's not, it's not a valid judgment about whether or not I think there's a good or bad approach to management. It's just in a circumstance where it's clear that the club have chosen that already, whether or not on the basis of what the players want. It kind of makes sense to pick someone like, but just somewhere in there. They did that before under the Dan periods where they won loads of Champions League. And the color once a lot of people and the color once a lot of periods. Yeah, the key thing there was they had formations and systems that work. So there was a lot of big personalities and big galacticos in there. But like, Bale, Benzmair Ronaldo worked as a front three in a way that in Bappé, Vinicius and Rodrigo doesn't work. So I agree with you. I do think Merino could be the perfect deployment and perfect dress room for a team who kind of there are any reason to exist is to win. But the squad's wrong, but the squad is wrong. Yeah, I mean, that's the difference between winning five Champions League in a row and not winning anything for three years. Incidentally, Steve has included here at the beginning of the O304 season, Real Madrid won the Supercopper, arguably as a benefit from the previous season. They won nothing else in the O304 season and then nothing at all in the O405 season and O506. So if they win nothing this season, it will be their worst trophyless run since the late 1940s, early 1950s, which is quite a long time. Also, worst trophyless run makes it sound like they're doing the worst at having a trophyless run. In a sense, it's like their best trophyless run. Do you know what I mean? If the aim is to be trophyless, they're nailing it. They're nailing it. They're nailing it. Absolutely. Speaking of nailing it, should we have a break and then do a rondo? Yeah. Okay, we're back from the break. That was very high. Very high. Walk me up. Sometimes I don't know where I'm supposed to stay. Give us a bassier one now. Okay. We're back from the break. Wow. Would you like to play a rondo? Yeah. I don't know if I'm in the right frame of mind after that. A little rondo. Now here's what I'm looking for today. Here's the category for the rondo today. Okay. Premier League Golden Boot winners. It's as simple as that. I'm looking for Premier League Golden Boot winners. One instance is not one answer. I've set that up weirdly. Obviously, there are people who've won it multiple times. They only count once. Okay, so it's not individual seasons. It's individual people. And while you're thinking, I'll tell the audience here's how the rondo works. I go round. I ask a question. Today's question is Premier League Golden Boot winners. A question that has multiple correct answers. We go round in a circle. We give answers. If we give incorrect answers, we are rejected from the rondo. If we give an answer that's already been given before. Active listening. We are rejected from the rondo. If we did it. If we dally. If we raise our hands to ask a question time. We are rejected from the rondo already. It hasn't started yet. What's your question? In years where it was shared. Is there multiple answers? So in instances where multiple players seem so. Okay. I don't really know. Cool. So there could be. I've got the answers laid out by name rather than by season. Okay. So I don't recall there being a season where there were two winners. So I wonder if I do have been somewhere there. Yeah. Not just two, but three winners. Yeah. I'll give me a second. So I assume then yes. Yeah. I assume yes. But if not, then what we're looking for is what I have written down. Okay. That's the end of the game. I can do that. Okay. Right. Colin. Let's start with you. I'm looking for Premier League Golden Boot winners. Don't need the year. Just need the name. Erling Holland. Erling Holland is of course there. He already has three to his name. Incredible. One of the all-time great. Alex Barker. Harry Kane. Harry Kane. Yes. Also. Three to his name. Terry Henry. Terry Henry is there. Four to his name. There's another player who has four, but only one. Colin. Fernando Torres. Fernando Torres is not a correct answer. Really? Yes. Well, let me just double. Your surprise is causing me some fear. I don't know that he would be. I've got it here and he's not on there. He's not on there. Okay, great. We've got a double check from Steve. No. Fernando Torres not on there. You are rejected from the Rondo. At an early stage, you should be embarrassed. You should go home and call your parents and tell them you have faith. That's right. Alex Barker. I have a hammer. Hammer Teller. Hammer Teller is the other player who has four. Incredible. Incredible. Wow. That guy's got so many goals. Fair play, Mo. Robyn Van Persie. Robyn Van Persie? Yes. He's there. Two years in a row, of course. Yeah. Yeah. One of them was for Arsenal. So I don't know why you're booing at me. I'm doing the other one. Embarrassing. That's embarrassing. You should go over yourself, honestly. No. Never. My turn. Yes, it's your turn. Luis Suarez. Luis Suarez. Yeah, just a once. But he's there. He's like a clue. Don't give him a clue. I'm younger than you. You know what, Alex? I'm going to take the clue. The clue is that you know all of the players on the list. There's the clue. I knew what the clue was going to be. Let's go. Let's share. I don't think that's an answer. Oh, he's dithering, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah. Emorick about me, man. 1819. You can have that. What will he do when he runs out of Arsenal? 18 or 19. Don Boots. Come on now. Alex Barker. Did he a jogger in 019? Did he a jogger? He's in there now. Also in 0607. I like. You could have had as well. Now, back to you, Kaya. Oh, are there any more Arsenal players on that? Oh, can you guess any more Arsenal players? All right. You can give me like that about it. Ian Wright. Ian Wright. He's not on the list. Wait, he's on there. He's got a ball. He keeps that. He's got a ball. If he does have one, it'll be before football is invented, of course. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's double check. Oh, he had other ones as well. I'm not sure. He's not on the list. Can the youngest man win? I'm pretty sure that right he got it. I feel like I've seen him holding a golden boot before. I think it'll be this. Absolutely. I can't believe I've got this. I can't believe I've got this. Goaded by Joe Devine. What is this? I said I'm not sure there even are any more Arsenal players on that. I don't think there are any more Arsenal players on that. I think you've got a ball. I think you've got a ball. I think you've got a ball. I think you've got a ball. I think you've got a ball. I think you've got a ball. I think you've got a ball. I think you've got a ball. I said I'm not sure there even are any more Arsenal players on that. I said I'm not sure there even are any more Arsenal players on that. 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Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Wolf of Wall Street. Yet, whenever someone tried to talk to him about a film they liked, it turned out that Kaya hadn't actually seen it, you know? To the extent where we realized he hadn't seen Jurassic Park, he hadn't seen the Godfather, he hadn't seen Star Wars, he is a film expert of a guy who hasn't seen any 789 stars. Now, Joe, what you should do here, if you're being authenticated with the original text, is say to Kaya, tell me Muse. No? Let's give it a try. Let's do what the producer wants. Tell me Muse. What did you think of Troy? Okay. So, a review of the movie Troy by Kaya Kaya, aged 29, from North London. As I came to the end of this two and a half hour spectacle of luscious locked, calf bearing and donaces, my mind went to one obvious place. Arsenal. John McKenzie. Oh. Very close. He has got, he's got great calves. He's got, you know, he always reminds me of Ednazard. He's got, he's also, he kicked up, he plays football like Rahim Sterling as well. Like his bottom half is... I know exactly what you mean. It's unreal. It doesn't make any sense when you look at the top half. Yeah. Our very own podcast in Creek God has a tendency to watch games on double speed to fine tune his analysis. I do the second time round. I feel as though I could have done the same thing with the movie Troy and it would have made absolutely no difference to the film whatsoever. Wow, brutal. I disliked this film before I even saw its first frame. The generic wailing score that precedes the titles showed me that it was going to be as cliched as a post-match managerial interview. And as someone who works primarily for an illustrated YouTube channel, the color clash between the inaccurate Greek map and the opening title front font meant that I'd already lost patience with it within a minute. This title's not legible. Exactly. It has to be a record. In many ways, it reminded me of the World Cup final. That too was an overly long snorfest and musely men running around kicking each other. Wow. But at least at the end of that, the villain was vanquished. In this film, we never actually worked out who that was. Who the villain was? Yeah. In trying to cover almost the entirety of the Iliad in under three hours, this film seems unsure as to whose story it's actually trying to tell. Wow. It means that no storyline is ever fleshed out and no character is ever developed. Every single one ends the film as they began it. Right. No one ever really moves forward and therefore there's no reason to really care about any of their fate. Can I ask you a very important question? Yeah, yeah. Were you able to watch this film on company time or were you told to go into this in your spare time? I did, it was in my spare time. I think this is contributed to your negative review of the film. I was up to... I started watching it half past nine, not realizing how long it was. That was big, that was big. That was tough for a while. But there are some positives that have come out of this film. Oh, tell us about the positives. It's made me like Lord of the Rings a lot more. I don't like that. Constructing battle scenes where you know exactly what the stakes are at all times is hard. And I really didn't know how good I had it with the two towers until it was gone. Yeah, okay. Right. But let me ask you a question. Pause at this stage. Do you not think the scene where Bradley Pitt takes on Hector? I was going to say Hector Barron. Australia, what's his name? Eric Banner. Eric Banner. You know what? Hector and Achilles fighting each other in a one on what? I mean, that's a very good fight scene. That's a good scene. That's half as long as the funeral scene which follows it. Sure, sure. Which is not good. But it's a good scene. It's a good scene within a terrible film. Great. Got it. In fact, I think the film was also in many ways ahead of its time. Oh, yeah. If ever there was a film designed for double screening then this was it. Oh, there you go. I was so bored that I began doing scrolling almost immediately. Actually. Well, I think this is still an impartial review. So what we've gathered here is you started watching it. I've been watching it. Later at night. Yeah. You hated it before it even started and you went on your phone. Yeah. No, what are you aboard? I thought I'd sort of I thought I'd take a bit of a risk and I'll tell you guys my my search history from the film. So what you search while you're watching the film. Yeah, this is what I search while I was watching the film. Yeah. Walk us through it. Okay. Does my boss hate me? Yes. Why is my boss trying to punish me? You simply could have text me. How to respond to a hostile work environment. I don't know what that's about. Contact for New York Times HR department. No, you that that doesn't exist. I've found out the hard way. I can only assume that after seeing me so happy I asked no one in the league last season. Joe wanted me wanted to bring me down a peg or two. Yeah. I apologize for my gloating and promised to rain it in as long as you never ever make me watch this film again. Are you really, really hate your this film? I do think this film is worthy of of your so boring. No, I mean, it's quite boring. It may be in the ad boring. Well, I mean, nearly. It's kind of boring. No. If you're a fan of this film where you learned, I can't wait for Kai to watch it. And he said, yeah, so I hated it before I started and was on my phone the whole time. It's a bad film. I think it'd be pretty annoyed. It must be so hard to be Gen Z. I don't know how you guys manage it. Yeah, it's a lot of double screen. Did you ever knocked on anyone's door to check they're in? How old are you, Kai? Are you older than me? Alex, in fact, if you did just say at the beginning of the report. age 29 from North London. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, I might have my mistake. No, neither of us are Gen Z. Have I? Yeah, we are Gen Z. No, we're in between. No, 97's the Gen Z. I've always heard, I've always known that I'm in between. No, you're Gen Z. No, no, no, no. This is Gen Z starts off. You might spiritually not be Gen Z. But I think technically you are. No, the spiritually I am Gen Z, but technically I'm not. I'll give you an answer. Gen Z quality, I would say. It's Gen Z. That would check it. 1997, did you get 12? What are you? 1999. So you're Gen Z? Yeah. Welcome to the club, man. There you go. What do you think about knocking on a door, sorry? We'll just wonder if you've ever knocked on a door to see if your friends in? Uh, no. But I didn't have any friends. Sorry. Have you ever done that? Done what? Sorry. When you were younger, did you ever just knock on the house of your... For friends? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you not have friends? Oh, that's quite sad. Didn't cycle it in the summertime. Cycling in my house and knocking the door. I wouldn't say I lived that. I didn't have like... I didn't live next door to my friends, really. Well, I didn't live next door to my friends. But I walked to their house and knock on their door. No, I just didn't really do that. Did you call them? How did you get them? I guess you sent them a text and then you'd meet somewhere. Send them a text. That's the thing. That's the best thing. No, we didn't even have that. We were not on our phones until that teenage years. So we were a bit younger. We'd be cycling to their houses and knocking on the door. To be fair in your case is different. When we... Sorry, sorry. Oh, my word. Wow. Oh, yeah, yeah. Something got... Oh, jeez. Okay. Something horrible. Something horrible got... Yeah. Really bad. Thanks for the film, Claude. Anyway. Thanks, Claude. Well, we should... Yes, I mean, another one. Yeah. Can we send them another one now? Well, there's a Discord channel. Let me just get it open. I'll... Look up for the suggestions in the T for Football Discord. Very nice people. Very nice people in there. Very nice people. You can join by clicking the link in the description. Okay. Have you ever seen Apocalypse Now? Yes. You have seen that. I didn't like it. A deer hunter. No, I've not seen a deer hunter. There you go. That's really long. Watch the deer hunter, Kaya. It's a crucial part of your cinema education. And if you don't watch it, that's... You won't be able to call yourself a cinema or expert. Okay. Plus, it's got an incredibly young Meryl Streep and Christopher walking in. Okay. And the hot... You know, if you didn't like how long the funeral scene was, in Troy, you're going to love the wedding. Great. There we go. Anything else seems? That is all. Okay. Kaya Kaya, thank you very much. Thank you. Column Malar. Thank you. Thank you. Alex Barkar. Thank you. Yes, perfect. Now, ring for analysis this week is our audio only episode that goes out on Saturday. It's actually with me and Seb Stafford Blort this week. So, look out for that on Spotify or Apple or wherever you get your podcasts. No live stream on Sunday, of course, as it's an international break. But next Tuesday, we will be joined by Kaya's back. We've got Ruben Pinder and we've got Tom Harris. But until then, to Rob, bye-bye. Yeah, thanks. I'm here also. Thanks.