The absurdity of a training ground friendly

Preseason hit a new level of weird this week. Tottenham Hotspur announced they are hosting MK Dons for a friendly, but here is the kicker, they aren't even opening a stadium for it. The match is happening at their actual training ground. It is the football equivalent of a rock band playing a show in their garage while telling you it is an arena tour.

As The Mirror reported, this game is tucked away from the public eye. Fans are sitting on their couches hitting refresh on live blogs instead of grabbing a lukewarm pint at the concourse. It is quiet. It is low stakes. It is exactly the kind of dusty nonsense we deserve in late July.

The internet loses its collective mind

The reaction online has been predictably unhinged. You have the purists who are genuinely upset that Sandro Tonali and Bruno Fernandes are playing against a League Two side in the middle of a Thursday work shift. One user on a popular forum noted that watching Fernandes slide a pass through a training ground defense is like watching a Ferrari sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

Then you have the contrarians. These absolute psychos are analyzing the tactical shape of a team that has clearly done zero film study for this specific opponent. I saw one thread dedicated entirely to how the defensive line is holding up when, in reality, the players are probably just trying to survive without pulling a hamstring. It is peak summer brain rot at its absolute finest.

Of course, the Sky Sports live feed has become the meeting place for the terminally online. People are treating a glorified training session like a Champions League knockout tie. My favorite take so far? A guy insisting the starting lineup is a genius move to throw off future opponents, as if the scouting department of every other club isn't already bored out of their minds watching this.

The reality check

Let’s be honest: the game is a snooze. Seeing them line up together is interesting on paper, but the atmosphere is nonexistent, which makes the whole ordeal feel like an exhibition match in a video game that you forgot you left running. The intensity level is hovering somewhere between a pickup game at the park and a corporate retreat.

There is also the glaring issue of the stream. For a club the size of Tottenham to offer us a viewing experience that looks like it was filmed on a potato from 2004 is almost impressive. When you compare this to the production value of the Premier League season, you really get a taste of how much they value your time while the players get their fitness up.

The scoreline is essentially irrelevant, though the early indicators suggest the talent gap is massive, which is exactly why this game is a waste of everyone's time. We are obsessing over a game that will be forgotten by tomorrow morning. Why? Because the football withdrawal is hitting everyone like a freight train, and we will watch anything that involves a ball moving on grass.

My final judgment? The skeptics win this round. If you managed to sit through the entire thing without checking your phone to see if there was any actual transfer news to get hyped about, you are a better, more patient football fan than I will ever be. Give me the start of the competitive season and keep the training ground friendlies in the bin where they belong.