🎙️ Football Weekly (The Guardian) •September 9, 2026 •⏱️ 40 min

Haaland at the double as Champions League returns: Football Weekly

1. Executive Overview: Core Theses & Key Revelations

The return of the UEFA Champions League invariably forces European football media into a rapid diagnostic phase. As clubs navigate the opening rounds of elite continental competition alongside demanding domestic schedules, early results often trigger sweeping declarations regarding systemic growth or structural decay. The recent edition of The Guardian Football Weekly, hosted by Max Rushden alongside panelists Barry Glendenning, Nicky Bandini, and Archie Rhind-Tutt, serves as a vital case study in dissecting these early-season narrative tension points. Rather than accepting baseline scorelines at face value, the panel probed the operational realities behind headline victories and domestic stumbles across Europe.

At the center of the episode’s analytical weight is the ongoing evolution of Manchester City under Enzo Maresca. While a 2-0 away victory over Porto at the Estádio do Dragão suggests continental stability, the performance highlighted a profound tactical efficiency paradox centered on Erling Haaland. Scoring a brace to take his astonishing Champions League record to 59 goals in 59 appearances, Haaland continues to redefine minimal-touch lethality. Yet, as Nicky Bandini observed, questions remain regarding whether Maresca’s City commands the absolute structural hegemony characteristic of Pep Guardiola’s prime era. This tension between cold converting efficiency and absolute territorial control represents one of the primary tactical themes of the current campaign.

Beyond Manchester City, the conversation illuminated several critical operational and tactical fissures across top-tier football:

  • Inter Milan’s High-Variance Transition: Under Cristian Chivu, Inter Milan have abandoned portions of Simone Inzaghi’s defensive rigidity in favor of an aggressive, front-foot pressing model. However, as demonstrated by Josep Martínez’s catastrophic distribution error against Federico Valverde at the Santiago Bernabéu, this high-risk approach leaves their defensive structure acutely vulnerable against elite opposition.
  • The Perpetual Trent Alexander-Arnold Positional Debate: José Mourinho’s post-match assertion that Alexander-Arnold "is not a midfielder" re-ignited the long-standing dispute over Liverpool’s tactical configuration. Barry Glendenning noted with weary detachment that this ideological divide between deep playmaker and orthodox lateral defender remains permanent within English football discourse.
  • Fulham’s Micro-Crisis Under Alvaro Arbeloa: Archie Rhind-Tutt delivered a sharp critique of Fulham’s high-risk, low-reward defensive setup under Arbeloa. With senior players Alex Iwobi and Emile Smith Rowe deleting post-match social media posts and fan unrest escalating over stadium matchday experiences, Fulham exhibit classic signs of early-season structural collapse.
  • Dortmund’s Attrition and the Bundesliga Hegemony: Constantinos Karetzas becoming the second major summer signing at Borussia Dortmund to suffer a severe injury forces an accelerated reliance on Ethan Nwaneri. This squad fragility reinforces the macro-reality highlighted by Rhind-Tutt: Bayern Munich’s domination of 13 of the last 14 Bundesliga titles creates an unforgiving benchmark that fragile squads cannot match.
  • Domestic Resurgences and Cup Quirks: From Troy Parrott’s match-winning form for Real Betis following his transition from AZ Alkmaar to Aston Villa’s chaotic 3-2 triumph over Club Brugge, the episode mapped out how tactical volatility and individual moments continue to shape both domestic leagues and European fixtures.

2. Context & Background: The Landscape Leading to This Conversation

To fully grasp the significance of the panel’s observations, one must evaluate the macro-environmental conditions governing European football at this juncture of the season. The modern football landscape is defined by increasingly compressed match calendars, high player turnover, and the widespread adoption of complex positional play concepts. When legacy managers depart or structural frameworks shift—such as Manchester City adjusting post-Guardiola or Inter Milan adapting post-Inzaghi—the immediate transition phase rarely produces smooth, linear progression.

Consider Manchester City’s European away profile. While casual observers view City as an unyielding continental powerhouse, Barry Glendenning pointed to a stark underlying metric: prior to their fixture in Porto, City had lost 9 of their previous 17 away matches in the Champions League. This statistical reality reframes their 2-0 win not as an under-whelming or "unconvincing" outing, but as a pragmatic and highly necessary stabilization effort on foreign soil. In elite competition, win margins away from home are frequently dictated by moments of clinical execution rather than total territorial domination.

Simultaneously, tactical trends across domestic leagues demonstrate an increasing divergence between managerial philosophy and execution capability. At Fulham, Alvaro Arbeloa’s commitment to expansive, high-line football mirror trends popularized by elite coaches, yet without the requisite defensive recovery pace or midfield screening structure, the system collapses under counter-attacking pressure. This dynamic is exacerbated by shifting locker-room dynamics in the digital age, where subtle player behaviors—such as deleting Instagram posts or sharing cryptic emojis—serve as immediate public indicators of tactical disconnect.

Furthermore, squad construction strategies are being tested by immediate physical attrition. Borussia Dortmund’s medical crisis highlights the immense financial and sporting risk inherent in modern player recruitment. When primary summer transfers suffer long-term injuries early in their tenure, tactical schemes must be hastily rewritten, forcing teenage talents like Ethan Nwaneri into high-leverage roles. Across all competitions, the boundary between tactical intent and operational reality has rarely been more fragile.

3. Deep-Dive Thematic Breakdown

3.1 The Post-Guardiola Paradigm: Maresca’s Manchester City and Erling Haaland’s Efficiency Paradox

The performance of Manchester City at Porto provided a fascinating study in contrast between traditional aesthetic markers of football dominance and hyper-efficient match outcomes. City secured a 2-0 victory through two goals from Erling Haaland, whose career record in the Champions League now stands at an unprecedented 59 goals in 59 appearances. Yet, the discourse surrounding the match, initiated by Max Rushden and analyzed by Nicky Bandini, centered on whether Enzo Maresca’s side truly satisfies the standard of an elite European contender.

Haaland’s display epitomized his unique positional profile. Operating with minimal touch volume, the Norwegian striker remained largely peripheral to City’s build-up phases for long stretches before executing decisive finishes in the penalty area. Bandini noted that while Haaland needed minimal touches to secure a brace, this low-involvement model leaves observers questioning whether City possess the continuous positional control that defined Guardiola’s peak teams. Haaland himself appeared almost reserved following his header, acknowledging a performance that was functional rather than flamboyant.

Compounding this narrative is the peculiar tactical profile of goalkeeper Gianluigi Donnarumma. As highlighted by podcast listener David Mooney and discussed on air, Donnarumma has displayed an extraordinary propensity for receiving disciplinary sanctions since joining Manchester City. Having accumulated 8 yellow cards last season, Donnarumma reached his 10th card overall for City during the Porto match after colliding with Pepe outside the penalty box during an offside phase. With Bernardo Silva (who picked up 14 cards last season) having departed, Donnarumma unexpectedly leads City’s discipline metrics—a staggering statistic for a starting goalkeeper that reflects high-risk sweeping decisions and frequent official confrontations.

From an analytical standpoint, Barry Glendenning’s context regarding City’s historical away record in Europe provides essential perspective. With 9 losses in their previous 17 European away fixtures, expecting City to dismantle Porto with effortless elegance ignores their documented vulnerability on the road. The inclusion of young midfielder Buaddy for his full debut provided technical composure in central areas, even if Haaland playfully admonished him post-match for withholding a potential through-ball. Maresca’s City may not yet exhibit complete positional harmony, but their functional efficiency remains devastating.

3.2 Defensive Vulnerabilities & Tactical Realignments: Inter Milan’s Chivu Era and Real Madrid’s Pragmatism

The clash between Real Madrid and Inter Milan at the Santiago Bernabéu highlighted the structural volatility accompanying Inter’s tactical transition under Cristian Chivu. Replacing Simone Inzaghi’s meticulously structured 3-5-2 system—which prioritized mid-block compactness and rapid wing-back transitions—Chivu has implemented an aggressive, front-foot pressing model designed to disrupt opponent build-up high up the pitch.

While this "real Chivu Inter" approach yielded energetic attacking phases and early chances, it exposed glaring defensive fragilities that Real Madrid exploited with surgical precision. The decisive moment arrived via a catastrophic distribution error from Inter goalkeeper Josep Martínez, who was brought in this summer to replace the departed Yann Sommer. Attempting a complex near-foot drag-back turn inside his own penalty area, Martínez misjudged the closing speed of Federico Valverde, surrendering possession directly in front of goal.

Goalkeeper Profile Previous Club / Current Club Key Tactical Trait Primary Vulnerability Identified
Gianluigi Donnarumma PSG → Manchester City Elite shot-stopping & high claim volume Frequent booking rate (10 yellow cards); rash sweeping outside box
Josep Martínez Genoa → Inter Milan Proactive distribution & sweeper-keeper intent Over-confidence under high press; fatal errors in penalty area
Yann Sommer Inter Milan → Club Brugge Experienced line-clearing & short passing Eratic positional errors outside box at advanced age (78-year joke)

This incident underscored the inherent risks of modern goalkeeper integration within high-pressing tactical setups. Whereas Sommer provided veteran calm and positional awareness during Inter’s title-winning campaigns, Martínez’s technical miscalculation demonstrated how a single structural fault line can nullify an entire team’s offensive output. Real Madrid, operating with their characteristic European pragmatism, absorbed Inter’s aggressive spells before punishing individual negligence to secure a 1-0 win.

3.3 The English Tactical Identity Crisis: Trent Alexander-Arnold and Liverpool’s Positional Spectrum

The enduring debate surrounding Trent Alexander-Arnold’s optimal position reached a new tactical inflection point following comments from José Mourinho. Speaking after a recent fixture, Mourinho stated bluntly that while Alexander-Arnold frequently operates in central areas for Liverpool, "he's not a midfielder." Glendenning’s reaction—welcoming the fact that this debate has crossed continental borders—captures the deep-seated ideological divide within tactical analysis regarding hybrid player roles.

For nearly a decade, Alexander-Arnold has challenged traditional positional nomenclature. Possessing elite passing vision, line-breaking execution, and exceptional cross-field range, his skill set matches that of a top-tier deep-lying playmaker (regista). However, when deployed in an orthodox central midfield pivot, his lateral defensive agility, defensive transition recovery, and press-resistance under 360-degree pressure are subjected to rigorous testing.

The core issue lies in the distinction between starting position and functional space. When line up as an inverted right-back, Alexander-Arnold steps into central spaces with the play structured in front of him, allowing him to exploit passing lanes against a set defensive block. In contrast, operating as an outright central midfielder requires constant defensive orientation and back-to-goal receiving under tight tracking. Mourinho’s critique reflects a pragmatic defensive worldview that prioritizes positional discipline over passing range, whereas modern systemic coaches view Alexander-Arnold as a fluid spatial asset. Until English football reconciles functional role assignment with rigid positional categories, this tactical debate will remain unresolved.

3.4 Fulham’s Micro-Crisis: Alvaro Arbeloa, High-Risk Systems, and Dressing Room Friction

Few domestic topics on the episode generated as much acute tactical concern as Fulham’s rapid destabilization under Alvaro Arbeloa. Archie Rhind-Tutt provided a scathing assessment of Arbeloa’s tenure, concluding that "the risk does not match the reward." Arbeloa’s attempt to introduce an expansive, high-possession style at Craven Cottage has badly backfired due to an underlying defensive setup that leaves the team exposed during defensive transitions.

"The risk does not match the reward with Alvaro Arbeloa. The whole thing about pretty attacking football is it's so great because you're taking risks. And the thing is, we cannot afford to take the risks that we're taking because we are defensively set up so badly."
— Archie Rhind-Tutt

This tactical misalignment has rapidly spilled over into dressing-room dynamics and supporter relations. Rhind-Tutt highlighted key indicators of internal friction following recent disappointing outings:

  • Social Media Disconnect: Senior figures Alex Iwobi and Emile Smith Rowe deleted post-match Instagram content, signaling frustration with team management or public backlash.
  • Cryptic Player Expressions: Defender Kevin posted cryptic monkey emojis on social media after being marginalized from the starting XI, indicating growing dissatisfaction among fringe squad members.
  • Perceived Favoritism: Tensions have emerged over Arbeloa’s preference for new recruits brought in from Real Madrid, whose on-pitch contributions have failed to justify their immediate integration ahead of established squad leaders.
  • Supporter Hostility: Craven Cottage has witnessed vocal protests, with chants of "What the f***ing hell is that?" echoing across the stands. This atmosphere is compounded by commercial divides within the stadium, where fan friction grows over ticket pricing and corporate seating upgrades ("Carrot Hummus stands") versus substandard amenities in traditional supporter sections.

With upcoming fixtures against Liverpool away and Manchester United at home, Fulham face a catastrophic trajectory. Lacking both structural compactness on the pitch and internal cohesion in the dressing room, Arbeloa’s tactical tenure risks early collapse unless immediate defensive adjustments are enforced.

3.5 Bundesliga Attrition & Squad Depth: Dortmund’s Injury Wave, Karetzas, and Nwaneri

In German football, the recurring narrative of Bayern Munich’s dominance was re-examined through the lens of Borussia Dortmund’s ongoing squad fragility. Archie Rhind-Tutt reported on a major setback for Dortmund: Constantinos Karetzas became the second marquee summer signing to suffer a severe injury early in the campaign. This medical blow severely disrupts Dortmund’s tactical planning and places an immense physical burden on remaining squad members.

The primary beneficiary—and victim of circumstance—in this scenario is Ethan Nwaneri. The highly rated youngster, who arrived at Dortmund to continue his development, now faces accelerated first-team expectations far beyond what his developmental timeline called for. While Nwaneri possesses exceptional technical quality and spatial awareness, forcing a teenager to carry central creative duties across dual domestic and European fronts carries inherent physical and tactical volatility.

This injury crisis reinforces the macro-structural imbalance within the Bundesliga. As Rhind-Tutt noted, Bayern Munich have secured 13 of the last 14 Bundesliga titles. To break Bayern’s domestic stranglehold, a challenger must maintain nearly flawless operational stability, exceptional squad depth, and minimal injury disruption throughout a 34-game season. Dortmund’s immediate attrition before autumn fully sets in underscores why continental observers remain skeptical of any sustained title challenge reaching February or March.

3.6 Continental Outliers & Domestic Cup Dynamics: Betis’ Troy Parrott Renaissance and Villa’s European Chaos

Beyond the primary European heavyweights, the podcast spotlighted remarkable individual resurgences and chaotic domestic cup action across Europe. A standout story emerged from La Liga, where Real Betis secured a high-profile 1-0 victory over Real Madrid. The match-winning goal was delivered by Irish international Troy Parrott, who completed a summer transfer to Betis from AZ Alkmaar. Glendenning highlighted Parrott’s career arc as evidence of how tailored tactical environments can revitalize talented forwards who struggled for consistent opportunity earlier in their careers.

Fixture / Team Key Result / Score Primary Tactical / Narrative Highlight Key Individual Performers
Real Betis vs Real Madrid 1-0 (Betis Win) Tactical low-block resilience capped by clinical counter-attack execution Troy Parrott (winning goal post-AZ Alkmaar transfer)
Aston Villa vs Club Brugge 3-2 (Villa Win) High-scoring chaotic European tie; defensive errors balanced by attacking quality John McGinn (curling goal), Nicholas Jackson (clutch finish), Wan-Bissaka (handball)
West Ham United 3-2 vs Bournemouth Championship leadership climb despite perception of early-season crisis Jarrod Bowen (brace including late winner)
Carabao Cup Round 3 Various Results Individual technical brilliance via exquisite chip finishes; squad rotation tests Daichi Kamada (Crystal Palace), Talbi (Sunderland vs Hull)

In the Champions League, Aston Villa’s 3-2 victory over Club Brugge delivered classic European drama. Unai Emery’s side demonstrated lethal attacking sequences, showcased by John McGinn’s curling strike following an unhindered deep run from Pau Torres, as well as Nicholas Jackson capitalizing on Yann Sommer’s erratic positioning outside the box. However, Villa’s defensive flaws were equally visible, with Aaron Wan-Bissaka guilty of sloppy positioning and conceding a penalty via handball.

Emery’s touchline behavior provided additional tactical intrigue. Glendenning noted Emery experiencing another visible outburst regarding substitute readiness on the bench. Following the departure of set-piece specialist Austin MacPhee, Villa’s operational efficiency during in-game substitutions has fluctuated, prompting Max Rushden’s humorous suggestion that Villa require a dedicated bench manager to ensure substitute players have equipment secured before stepping onto the pitch.

Finally, domestic cup football delivered its signature blend of technical elegance and lower-league eccentricity. The panel celebrated two magnificent chip finishes in the Carabao Cup from Daichi Kamada (Crystal Palace) and Talbi (Sunderland), with Glendenning making the bold prediction that Sunderland could mount a serious campaign to win the Carabao Cup entirely. Coupled with West Ham rising to the top of the Championship following Jarrod Bowen’s double, McCauley Gillesphey’s bizarre volley off his own standing leg for Bradford, and the fascinating news of London amateur goalkeeper George Desmond Camerasi (Southeast Dons) standing in line for a traditional Ugandan royal throne, the episode captured football's full spectrum of tactical rigor and human drama.

4. Speaker Perspectives & Analytical Contrast

The structural dynamic of The Guardian Football Weekly relies on the deliberate contrast between analytical rigor, journalistic skepticism, and observational humor. Each panelist brings a distinct vantage point that shapes the overarching analysis of European and domestic football trends.

Max Rushden: The Editorial Orchestrator

Rushden functions as the primary narrative catalyst, challenging consensus viewpoints by testing the boundaries of team evaluations. In questioning whether Manchester City’s victory at Porto was genuinely "convincing," Rushden deliberately sets a high bar for performance standards, forcing panelists to justify their assessments. His commentary balances technical inquiries with lighthearted meta-narratives, such as navigating listener wedding shout-outs and exploring stadium subcultures.

Barry Glendenning: The Pragmatic Realist

Glendenning serves as the panel’s counterweight to media hyperbole and romanticized narratives. His contribution to the Manchester City analysis—injecting the empirical context of City’s 9 losses in 17 European away games—instantly grounded the discussion in historical reality. Glendenning’s cynical perspective extends to off-pitch matters, where he humorously proposed charging £25,000 for wedding mentions or launching a Cameo account, while offering sharp analytical praise for Troy Parrott’s emergence at Real Betis and Sunderland’s cup prospects.

Nicky Bandini: The European Tactics Specialist

Bandini provides authoritative technical breakdown regarding continental tactical shifts. Her evaluation of Maresca’s Manchester City focused on systemic geometry and territorial control, highlighting how Haaland’s minimal-touch efficiency differs from Guardiola’s total positional play. Furthermore, Bandini’s tracking of Gianluigi Donnarumma’s extraordinary card tally (10 yellow cards) and her analysis of Cristian Chivu’s high-risk pressing model at Inter Milan demonstrate her acute focus on structural detail and player behavior.

Archie Rhind-Tutt: The Insider & Systemic Critic

Rhind-Tutt brings direct insider knowledge regarding German football and domestic tactical frameworks. His assessment of Fulham under Alvaro Arbeloa was unflinching, identifying structural flaws, locker-room dissatisfaction, and supporter unrest with analytical precision. In analyzing Borussia Dortmund, Rhind-Tutt highlighted the harsh reality of squad attrition, contrasting Dortmund’s depth crisis with Bayern Munich’s historic dominance of 13 titles in 14 years.

Panelist Primary Analytical Lens Key Tactical / Narrative Stance Notable Quote / Observation
Max Rushden Editorial Framing & Narrative Testing Probing the boundary between winning outcomes and truly convincing elite performances. "What is your convincing threshold? I only say this because Donna Rumma didn't have a save to make."
Barry Glendenning Empirical Pragmatism & Historical Context De-bunking panic narratives using historical away records; cynical view of media commercialization. "They'd lost nine of their previous 17 away games in the Champions League... this was a pretty good result."
Nicky Bandini Continental Tactical Geometry Isolating systemic changes under new managers (Maresca, Chivu) and tracking goalkeeper metrics. "I still don't really know if Maresca's City are any good... are they at that level we think of as Pep Guardiola City?"
Archie Rhind-Tutt Domestic & Structural Insider Analysis Exposing high-risk managerial failures at Fulham and structural depth limits at Dortmund. "The risk does not match the reward with Alvaro Arbeloa... we are defensively set up so badly."

5. Strategic & Industry Implications

The insights generated throughout this podcast episode extend far beyond individual match analysis, reflecting broader structural shifts within the global football industry:

1. Managerial Transitions and Systemic Adaptations

The experiences of Enzo Maresca (Manchester City), Cristian Chivu (Inter Milan), and Alvaro Arbeloa (Fulham) illustrate the immense challenge of introducing new tactical frameworks at established clubs. Modern football management increasingly demands that coaches balance complex build-up schemes with immediate result delivery. When managers implement high-risk pressing or build-up tactics without adequate defensive safety nets, the resulting structural instability leads to rapid performance volatility and potential dressing-room friction.

2. Goalkeeper Evolution and Operational Vulnerability

The tactical profile of starting goalkeepers has undergone a permanent shift. As demonstrated by Josep Martínez’s error at Real Madrid, Gianluigi Donnarumma’s high yellow card count at Manchester City, and Yann Sommer’s erratic outings for Club Brugge, goalkeepers are now primary build-up outfielders and sweeper-defenders. Consequently, distribution errors and disciplinary sanctions under high-pressing regimes represent a major operational risk factor for elite clubs.

3. Squad Construction, Attrition, and Financial Imbalance

Borussia Dortmund’s medical crisis highlights the fragility of squad depth outside of ultra-wealthy state-backed entities. When marquee summer signings suffer long-term injuries, clubs are forced to over-index on youth development (such as Ethan Nwaneri) or accept performance drop-offs. In leagues dominated by financial heavyweights like Bayern Munich (13 titles in 14 years), squad depth and injury resilience remain the primary determinants of sustained title contention.

4. Media Meta-Dynamics and Fan Engagement Economics

The recurring discussion surrounding listener wedding shout-outs, commercialization, and fan sentiment at Craven Cottage reflects the changing relationship between football media, clubs, and global supporters. As matchday ticket prices rise and corporate seating expands at the expense of traditional fan bases, clubs risk alienating their core supporters. Simultaneously, sports media outlets must navigate audience demands for authentic analytical commentary while managing commercial growth in an increasingly crowded media market.

6. Looking Ahead: Unresolved Questions & Next Milestones

As the European season progresses into its dense autumn schedule, several key tactical metrics and structural inflection points will dictate the narrative arc for the clubs analyzed by The Guardian Football Weekly panel:

Key Tactical Metrics to Track

  • Manchester City’s Positional Dominance: Will Enzo Maresca’s side increase their territorial control and non-penalty expected goals (npxG) build-up volume, or will they rely indefinitely on Erling Haaland’s low-touch, high-conversion rate?
  • Fulham’s Defensive Concession Rate: Can Alvaro Arbeloa stabilize Fulham’s rest defense and reduce high-quality chances conceded during defensive transitions before impending fixtures against Liverpool and Manchester United?
  • Inter Milan’s High-Press Efficiency: Will Cristian Chivu refine Inter’s pressing triggers to mitigate individual build-up errors like those committed by Josep Martínez at the Bernabéu?
  • Dortmund’s Squad Fitness & Nwaneri’s Usage: How will Dortmund manage Ethan Nwaneri’s workload as injuries continue to stretch their central midfield depth across Bundesliga and Champions League fixtures?

Upcoming Structural Tipping Points

The coming weeks present critical hurdles across domestic and European competitions. For Fulham, failure to secure points against Liverpool and Manchester United could force an early managerial change, testing the club board's patience with Arbeloa's high-risk project. In Germany, Dortmund must navigate their fixture congestion without key summer recruits to prevent Bayern Munich from establishing an unassailable league lead before the winter break. Meanwhile, Manchester City’s ability to turn efficient away victories into sustained momentum will determine whether Maresca can truly step out of Pep Guardiola’s shadow and re-assert City’s status as undisputed European favorites.

💬 Key Quotes & Speaker Breakdown

Trent Alexander-Arnold position

"Jose Mourinho said afterwards that Trent Alexander-Arnold is playing in midfield for Liverpool, but he's not a midfielder. I'm glad this conversation is continuing across the sea. It will never end."

— Barry Glendenning

Manchester City form

"I still don't really know if Maresca's City are any good. They're clearly one of the best teams in the Premier League and one of the best teams in Europe, but are they at that level that we think of as the Pep Guardiola City?"

— Nicky Bandini

Borussia Dortmund injury crisis

"Constantinos Karetzas became the second of Dortmund's major signings this summer to go off with what looked like a serious injury. It does mean that Ethan Nwaneri is going to get a lot more opportunities than I think he even would have bargained for."

— Archie Rhind-Tutt

Fulham management

"The risk does not match the reward with Alvaro Arbeloa. The whole thing about pretty attacking football is it's so great because you're taking risks. And the thing is, we cannot afford to take the risks that we're taking because we are defensively set up so badly."

— Archie Rhind-Tutt

Manchester City Champions League performance

"They'd lost nine of their previous 17 away games in the Champions League. So I think all things considered, this was a pretty good result."

— Barry Glendenning

Inter Milan tactics

"I do feel like maybe they're starting to see the real Chivu Inter, which is very aggressive, wants to play in this way, and get after opponents, but it does seem defensively very iffy."

— Nicky Bandini

Bundesliga title race

"Who are our hopes on to keep the title race going till March or February? Dortmund? 13 of the last 14 Bundesligas have been won by Bayern. That is the level that you have had to reach."

— Archie Rhind-Tutt

Troy Parrott form

"Betis came into this game on the back of a 1-0 win over Real Madrid, which the winner in that was scored by Troy Parrott. Ireland's Troy Parrott, who we signed from AZ Alkmaar during the summer."

— Barry Glendenning

Gianluigi Donnarumma discipline

"He [Donnarumma] got eight yellow cards last season at City. He hasn't had another season like that anywhere before, so it's definitely a standout."

— Nicky Bandini

Real Madrid vs Inter Milan

"Jose Mourinho said afterwards the game could have finished 7-6, and I think he's not wrong."

— Barry Glendenning

Aston Villa management

"Unai Emery had another shade fit over Aston Villa's substitutes not being ready in time to come on. They might have to get a substitute specialist team to remove the jewellery and make sure people have got their socks tied up."

— Barry Glendenning
📜 View Full Episode Verbatim Transcript 39,719 characters
This is The Guardian. Hello and welcome to The Guardian Football Weekly, the Champions League returns this feels awfully soon. Early Harlan's back up to a goal of game in the competition, 59 and 59 were the brace in Porto. He could have scored more, but Porto had chances too, another not totally convincing win for Manchester City. Aston bit of score a goal and win John McGinn with a beautiful curler to get them on their way. In to give Real Madrid the points at the Bernabas, but what is Trent Alexander-Arnold's best position and Troy Parrott scores another winner for Betis? It felt like West Ham were having a terrible time in a championship, but they went top last night and there's some excellent chips in the car about your questions. Sorry Barry, three wedding shout-out. It's getting too much. This is The Guardian Football Weekly. On the panel today, Archie Rintak, welcome. Hey Max. Hello Nicky Bandini. Morning. Hello Barry Glen Denny. It feels like Barry, we can't, you can't not wish someone a happy wedding, but three feels a lot, doesn't it? Yeah, we're going to start charging for them basically and then people who really, really want them will get them for a very large fee, 25,000 pounds. Have you thought about opening a cameo account, Barry? No. Oh, well, I guess people have suggested I should, but I just feel it's a bit too graspy. Fair it up. We'll get to them. Anyway, let's start then with the Champions League. Porto Neil managed to city two early Harlan the difference, 59 and 59. And Nicky, it's a ridiculous record, isn't it? And it's sort of one of those games where he could have had more. He also didn't really, you know, did a sort of Harlan thing where he wasn't really involved from huge parts of the game and city one to know that weren't convincing again. Yeah, I mean, it's such an early point of the season still to be ticking any conclusions for him. But I think a lot of us, certainly, I have this feeling that I still don't really know if Mariska's city are any good. I mean, they're clearly good. There's levels of good aren't there? I mean, they're clearly only one of the best teams in the Premier League and one of the best teams in Europe. But are they at that level that I suppose that you expect city to be, that we think of Guardio de City as being, that we think of being again, sorry to always be back to me. You do just think, well, there's no Pep Guardio in the Champions League, whereas this team is the Pep Guardiota team in the Champions League. And I think that this was nothing that taught us much new. I think it was a good result. I think it was another, like, suppose one in the eye, people think they aren't going to be at a level that they were last season because they're winning and they keep winning. And I had people before this game saying, actually, it's not that straightforward of Gameboy to Porto. This could be one where they trip up and they didn't. But in terms of Harland, Harland's ridiculous and he needs to touch the ball five times and he can score two goals for you. I sure it was more than five, but it wasn't a lot. And that somewhat hasn't changed and somewhat doesn't tell us anything new about city and where they're at. Yeah, he almost looked ashamed when he scored that header, didn't he? Just because he wasn't a great goal. So maybe I'll take it, but I don't really want to say it. You say Pep isn't there, but when he scored his second and it cuts the, you know, the dugout and there was a ball go with his hands in the eye. In my mind, I was like, Oh, it's perfect. Took me a second to go. It isn't what's your convincing threshold? I only say this because I don't think Donna Roma had a save to make. City created the majority of the chances. A Diego Costa who have to say is in the world cup, I thought he was stunning. And he at times can make goalkeeping look like an art form. The shapes that he's able to contort himself into and that double save in the first half where he clutches that, that bullet from Holland, I thought was impressive, but I don't know what more city can do on this kind of European away night. They'd, this statistic surprised me when I read it. They'd lost nine of their previous 17 away games in the Champions League. So I think all things considered, this was a pretty good result. Well, you convinced me, actually, I'll change it to just, I'll just clip out the un from the unconvincing. Funny, Donna Roma didn't make a save, Barry, because sort of felt like he had a bit of a weird game despite not having to make a save. Yeah, well, he tried to make one at one point and he clattered into Pepe and I think it would have been a penalty for a portal, but Pepe was offside when the incident happened. So I think Donna Roma got a yellow card for that, but there was no pen, because Pepe was offside in the build-up to the move. And that was his main contribution, I guess. Yeah, I thought city were fine last night, you know, we're, first matches at Champions League, we've got 104 games to get rid of 12 teams. That's an entire 40-18 world cup, isn't it, I think. And we know how long that lasted. So I think this was a perfectly fine result for city. They're not particularly good away from home in this competition. They scored two, but for the Augusta Custer, they could have scored at least two more, if not three. Afterwards, Erling Hall and, you know, they gave Buaddy his debut, full debut midfield. I thought he played well, although Hall and did playfully criticise him after the game for not playing a through ball when he should have, but yeah, I thought it was perfectly fine from city. They don't look, they're not pouring, they don't look like the finished article, but this early in the season. Yes, it's grand, it's absolutely satisfactory, I think. Picking up on Barry mentioning Donna Rumma's yellow card there, I've had it pointed out to me by Manchester City Podcast, a David Mooney. The Donna Rumma really loves a yellow card, since he moved to city last night with his tenths already, and I checked, the only person who's got more at city since he arrived as Bernardo Silver, who got 14 last season, and he's gone now. A lot of the time, this is for just complaining and just silliness, and Nicky, did he have this in him before? Or is this, is this, I've come to England and, well, screw everything. The silliness, yes, I think I've talked about it on the podcast before, but he, I have this reputation for the Papadoni in Italy, and so that sort of gap, yes, I don't offer top of my head, remember him getting this number of yellow cards, I've just literally had to talk, I'm trying to put up the statistics, and I, he got some, he's had some all through his career, which perhaps some will keep us, you don't think of goalkeepers as a position that should be getting carded that often, but yes, last season at city, eight yellow cards, he hasn't had another season like that anywhere before, so yeah, it's definitely a standout. Maybe I was just, with the unconvincing, maybe I'm just trying to reach for a narrative, you know, it suits the narrative, doesn't it, the city aren't convincing because, you know, they've got lots to work out, and they, they lost the community shield, and so I've based all my thoughts on that. I think this, there's also just like, that's the point of the season we're at, actually like most teams aren't convincing, we're going to get to some more teams, I think we probably could say if we want to make a case for them not being convincing we can, and I think really the thing that, that marks your part at this point of season is the rare teams that are convincing. I think there's, there's few teams that are, and the ones that are standout. But it's certainly a very good sign for your football team, if people like us are sitting there going, oh, they have a perfect version of themselves, people are going to games, like if you want to games, then who gets the stuff? Absolutely right. Club Brewster asked them, Villa 3, good win for Villa Barry, not a convincing one. Yeah, there he goes again. This was going to be a tricky one for them, because Club Brewster are quite formidable at home in the Champions League, and they score lots of goals, but the record against English opposition is little short of atrocious. I think the only last three, the last 22 at home in Europe, but I don't think I've ever beaten an English team. So this basically went to type, Club Brewster 2, Cullis scored more, but conceded 3 and lost. John McGinn's goal was a beauty. Pyotr is ran from really deep inside his own half, on a pose, completely on a pose to the edge of the Brogge penalty area, slipped the ball out to McGinn, and he just curled a lovely finish into the fire corner without taking a touch. It was beautiful goal. I thought Aaron Van Bessacca was a bit sloppy for the second equaliser, Zhao Gomez set up when D for the just a second, and then the third one, Pyotr is involved again. It was a counter attack. He sent this lovely long ball from deep for Nicholas Jackson to chase. He burst between two defenders, Yang Somer, who seems to have been around for as long as I've been watching football. He's in goal for Club Brogge. Yang Somer was out in no man's land, so he just nudged the ball past him and slotted into an empty net. Brogge pulled it back to 3-2 with a penalty after Aaron Van Bessacca handball. I mentioned it on Monday, but I noticed again, Unai Emery had another shade fit over Aston Villa's substitutes, not being ready in time to come on. So they've lost Aston Macfee. I think they might have to get a substitute specialist team to, you know, remove the jewellery and make sure people have got their socks tied up, et cetera, and so on. It really shouldn't be that hard to be ready to come on. They need an angry mother, an angry mother of four, and the substitutes are just basically the kids before the school runs. It's like get to rest. Here's your school bag. Here's your shoe. Here's your shin pads. I mean this was the game where I noticed that Jan's summer. It was the evening where I realized that Jan's summer wasn't playing for Inter, because the Interkeeper made some quite conspicuous mistakes, which made me realize it wasn't Jan's summer. Here Jan's summer ran out of the box holding the ball, and then, you know, he, I don't know what he's doing for the Jackson goal, but you're right, he's 78 years old. We've got to forgive the guy from Slack. And this was absolutely like a narrative interler season, as they felt like summer was one of the things holding them back that he'd made some big mistakes and big games, and so moving on from him to another keeper who will get to later was one of the stories of the summer, and watching this game, which of course was before the Inter game last night, it wasn't just for the goal. There's a point where he just takes the ball out of the penalty area, just in his hands, but he had a bizarre evening and summer. Yeah, he did. Well, we can get to the Real Madrid Inter game then. I thought like this game was sort of like basketball in the key. Like it was really sort of fast-flowing. It's only at the start. And like Inter were, you know, I wouldn't say giving as good as they got, but they were, you know, creating chances and they were attacking well, and I was really enjoying this game, and then just two mistakes. I just thought, this is, you can't be doing this slads. Yeah, absolutely. And I think probably the more shocking of the two of them was the second one, which is Jose Martínez, the goalkeeper who's replaced Jan's summer, trying to do a drag-back turn with his near foot to Valverde inside the area. And you just think, just not the right thing to do, the Bernabéu when you've just conceded a goal as well. So they got punished very hard for those early season mistakes, early season early game mistakes in terror. And then I thought they did a lot right with the ball going forward. You had a very good goalkeeper at the other end, Courtawe made a great save from Tour Ram, and you had, I think, some not perfect bill that play at times for Inter, as well, even though they had a lot of the ball, and you also could have conceded more goals as Inter. Absolutely, could have conceded more goals. I think Jose Mourinho said afterwards game could have finished 7-6, and I think he's not wrong, that there really were so many chances in this game. And I think I'm back to that, well, it's early in the season, you can't draw the conclusions from Madrid's side. They are missing a lot of players still, and so you're not seeing the final version of Jose's team from the Inter side. They were coming off this extraordinary comeback from two goals down against Napoli at the weekend, which even before the game was saying this, and it was an exhausting game to play, at the start of the season when you got all these players just coming back from World Cup, and I suppose to close the thought on Inter, I think that last season, they won the league, obviously, and I felt the time like I still free even towards the end of season. I'm like, how much is this Christian Kiivu's team, and how much is this just carrying on the work of Simone and Zaggy, and taking it forward, and the fact that no one else in Italy was really on that level. This last couple of games between this one and the Napoli game, I do feel like maybe they're starting to see the real Kiivu Inter, which is very aggressive, very wants to play in this way, and get after opponents, and it's really fun to watch, and I long may continue from that point of view, but it does seem defensively very if you'd like to ask a couple of games, so we'll see how that shakes out. Yeah, I was actually essentially buried that Inter had the ball, right? They had 65% position, and like you just don't you don't expect Real Madrid to not have the ball at the Bernabéu, but you do expect to Josie and really seem to not have the ball at a lot of the time, and just sort of if Real fans will care, or like if they win, does it matter, or if you have enough moments because you've got enough players that maybe it can kind of work. I think there's a lot of residual anger in the stands at the Bernabéu over how things panned out last season and the season before. So Josie has a job in his hands to win the fans over, even though what happened last season and the season before was nothing to do with him. I don't think the fans were too happy with what they saw last night. The were whistles at the end. They realized, you know, they're not stupid, they know they got away with one here. The two goals intergifted to Real aside. This was very much a tale of two goalkeepers. Josie Martin is obviously that drag back that led to Inter second. That was a terrible mistake, but I thought otherwise he was fantastic. He played a pull off some amazing saves, two from Jude Bellingham who described the chances he missed as scissors afterwards, but I would say he was foiled by unbelievable goalkeeping and Courtawe made a number of bridging saves as well. So it's a game that could have gone either way. It happened to go a real Madrid, but even afterwards Josie was talking about he wasn't trying to fool anyone. I think he knew he got away with one as well. He also said afterwards actually, Trennax and Ronald's paid midfield within the Liverpool, but he's not a midfielder. I'm glad this conversation is continuing across the sea. It will never end. It will never end. I think the bigger issue that Merino is going to face is how he deals with Venetius Jr's form. He's made an inauspicious start to the season. Jude Bellingham and Bappe have started the season in splendid form. So given the history of what happened last season when Merino was in charge of Benfica and Venetius was there, I wonder what cloud is understandably hanging over from Venetius's point of view and the level of diplomacy, which I would say is not. And his top chance cards, Josie, diplomacy. Yeah, eight. You put it well, Max. You put it well. Yeah. Just on the Trent Alexander, I think, if Josie thinks he isn't a midfielder, where does that leave Trent? Because one presumes Denzel Dumfries is going to be first choice right back. Is he going to be a very peripheral figure this season on less Dumfries? You know, sustain a bad injury or something. The thing is with Josie Merino, you suspect that it could be a mind game here of him saying to Trent Alexander, but you've got to prove to me then that you are a midfielder. There's some sort of mind game that we're not seeing here, the 4D chess that Merino plays. Is it 4D or is it just, is there a bus and there's a line of players? It's sort of 1D chess and it's like, which one's he going to please just lining them up? I'm not moving any of my pawns. Exactly. There's something fun in the symmetry of Inter, who of course won a Champions League in Madrid with Josie Merino as the manager who famously parked the bus in the semi-final against Barcelona, having the tables turned on the msf. How's Curtis Jones doing? It was sort of odd to see him in an inter-shirt. Josie made that mistake. He had that chance with a turn and he sort of hit it just over the bar, but as he slotted in, OK? Yeah, it's very early days. Another intern in feel is it's kind of stacked. It was one of the stories within the game of this one is actually I felt like and Merino said at the full-time course with missing all these players getting midfield, but Inter's midfield was what gave them control in this game and it's because they've got this wealth, now, of options between Chalinoglu Petasuchi, she's coming on really well, Nicolabarella, Curtis Jones, Jolinsky as well. They've got a lot of players in that area of the pitch and this was actually Jones's first start, but he's come off the bench a couple of times and played well at the weekend. He didn't get the assist because it was a goldmouse scramble, but it was his ball into the area against Napoli that effectively set up the winning gold against Napoli at the weekend. And this game I thought he did a lot right, but it was his underhit pass that put the second in trouble at the beginning for the first goal. So Nicolabarella mixed back very, very much, sorry to keep saying it too early to give a big conclusion, but I have to say that the overall feeling about him in Milan and the impression that he's giving that he's got among supporters and journalists in Milan is that he's going to be a good one. All right, I'll do for part one, part two. We'll begin with Dortmund's win over the winner out. One was part two of the Guardian football week clear. So Dortmund three, but I ran out two. RG, this was a good game. I mean, the garassi own goal is absolutely sensational. If we can cut to the chase, gets the ball absolutely booted into his face and it's almost like he stays up enough to see it go in and then just crumbles. It's wonderful. Funny thing is, you have invaded my mind so much now that when I saw the goal, I was like, Max is going to love me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to have done that, Archie. And in fact, even, even we will talk about Fulham eventually, but even when Fulham conceded that comical second goal on Saturday, I heard your laughter in my head as it happened and I thought this just makes it worse. But yes, this was, it summed up the bizarre nature of this game. Dortmund go ahead with an own goal in the second half. Ville Royale have a few chances. Don't score equal eyes from a corner from a book called Merino, no Santiago Merino, no relation. Ville Royale should go ahead or could go ahead if it were not for a stunning save from Gregor Cobal. Fabio Silva, he formerly of Wolves and Rangers, comes on for Dortmund, not really did much, didn't do too much last season, but Spock meant to life, Asiski Rassi, Ki Rassi, then scores from a penalty, and then you say, well, Ki Rassi's having a great night. He was until he has the ball pushed in his face. Ville Royale also nearly equalized after that, and that second goal for Ville Royale was also in injury time already. So yeah, it was bizarre. The headline though for Dortmund is what happened in the first half, where Constantino's Karetzas became the second of Dortmund's major signings this summer to go off with what looked like a serious injury. He was rushed to hospital with respiratory problems, and this is after Giannis Constantellias, another Greek wonder forward that they signed this summer, did his ACL in the first Bundesliga game of the season. It does mean that Ethan Waneri is going to get a lot more opportunities than I think he even would have bargained for when he signed on Deadline Day for Dortmund, sad the circumstances that are opening it up. Waneri, it should be said, did well last night. Both directions hit the post, created the win on Saturday, and also great sliding tackle, which he wouldn't have expected of a attacking midfielder. But yeah, that's how it looked for Dortmund. And who are not going to challenge Bayern? Who are going to just fall behind and come second to Bayern this season? Who are our hopes on to keep the title race going till March or February? Dortmund, 13 of the last 14 Bundesliga's have been won by Bayern, as I think you know, the one that they didn't win, Leverkusen were perfect in that season. They were on beaten. That is the level that you have had to reach if you forget Dortmund throwing the title away on the final day a few years ago. It's a talk in Germany. No, I know, you've lost hope, but like everyone else has to. Fine, but is there anything done to fix it? Is there sort of like a everyone's frustrated about and goes, oh, this is annoying, but is there a force of will to make something different happen in Germany? There is a kind of a grudging acceptance of it. And also, everyone supports their own teams. There's not. Of course. So everyone is so focused on that. There is not a like everyone kind of knows how bad the situation is. Some people talk about playoffs. I don't know how much that would solve it. Could they all agree not to sell their players? Because you know, because they all, because they self-interest happens, so suddenly by and say, we'll give you 80 million for this guy, you go, OK, but like you can all agree not to sell your players to buy. I know they buy other good players from elsewhere, but I can tell that you live in Premier Leagueland where like money is resplendent and you don't necessarily have to to sell, but like the financial realities of these clubs. Sure, but they could sell them to someone else. Good name. I know it's a stupid question. I understand. It's a stupid question. I don't necessarily think it works like that. Or they have to, I mean, Stuttgart did last summer. They did their very best to not sell to buy in and solve ultimatate to Newcastle, but buying have so much more money, Max, that even then you're just talking about one factor here. There's not much you can do. It is a problem of modern football, not just in Germany, of how powerful the biggest clubs are, and it probably weren't a longer and more nuanced debate than I'm giving it here. Leo 2, Betis 3, Barry, what a week for Troy Parrot? Yeah, this was Betis' first Champions League game in 21 years. They're managed by Manuel Pellegrini, we all remember from Man City, and West Ham was it? The Premier League manager who looked most like a ghost, Davie Dancelotti is in charge of Leo. I think it's his first major job as a head coach on his own. Betis came into this game, obviously on the back of a 1-0 win over a Real Madrid, which the winner in that was scored by Troy Parrot. Ireland's Troy Parrot, we signed from A. Z. Alkmar during the summer, and I suppose the most remarkable thing about this game is Leo took the lead twice and were pegged back twice, but the first four goals were all headers, and they all came on the back of brilliant crosses. Yeah, oh yeah. Like some superb, I think three set pieces and then one from Open Play, but an Ethan and Bappe, Killian's younger brother, Ethan and Bappe crossed for the first, I guess, Ueda couldn't miss, like couldn't miss, it was so perfectly placed. Pablo Farnals provided the cross for the second, Mark Barakstra headed home his first of two, a pair in corner for the third, and then an Iskull free kick for the fourth. So it was 2-2, and Betis won it with a Troy Parrot goal. Raquel May was bustling through midfield. It looked like he was fouled, and the little players kind of all paused, because I think they were expecting the ref to blow his whistle, but he didn't, he played up, played advantage. Raquel May played the ball through to Parrot, and he jinked one way and the other to make a bit of room against the defender that was on him, and then rolled a lovely shot into the far corner. So fair play to him, I think that's two goals this scored, since going to Betis sent two big goals. Yeah, and he took this one really, it was a brilliant goal. Ethan and Betis sent off as well, and second half for Elbowing. Well, that was nasty, yeah. It was, yeah. Off the ball, Elbow, really nasty. Like, when VARs there, like, you know, trying to say to the ref something like, I didn't mean it gal, or whatever, you think, yeah, I think Ethan perhaps you did. It was a, when Trot Parrot scored, and it cut away to Olivier Giroux, I was like, ah, this is such a nice day for learning where people are, isn't it four nows, Olivier Giroux, Janssama, the other game, are you okay? Ethan's beat last one, Neil. This free kick, Nikki from Razvan Marin. Wow. So good. It's so good, isn't it? It's one of those ones you watch, you're like, just can't be going in, and then it is because he's put so much bend on it. Clearly, with all these other games on, did not get to give my full attention to the 90 minutes in this one, but if you're going to get one highlight from a game, that free kick is well, well, worthy of time. Yeah, because the keeper is basically in the top corner, but it's nowhere near it. It's absolutely brilliant. It's, you know, it's hit to his side, but yeah, it's so good. It's so much dip. Yeah, just because of Lucas Jolvich scored a brilliant diving header, that would have put AK Athens to Neil up. That was brilliant. I love a diving header in this one, brilliant. But unfortunately, someone had straight off side in the build up to the goal, so it was ruled out. And if I was him, I would be so pissed off on a keyhole level compared to how it should be. Oh, better than how it should. Yeah, yeah. Wow, probably not as significant, but better. And on a good night for finding out where people are, a sassacalagic was playing for Lask, the former Woolstriker, who I think spent four years at Woolst and maybe played for them about the time. The enormous one. Yeah, big, thank you, fella. I think he did his knee and his very first appearance. And then when he came back, I think he might have done his knee again. So he had a rough time with it at Woolst. Anyway, Liverpool Athlete tonight and Napoli Arsenal. So we're doing a pod on Friday because we've got a live show tonight. So we're not going to watch the games while doing the live show. And also, there's Champions League on Thursday night as well for some reason. So we'll come all together for Friday's pod, but we'll look back at the championship carabout cup. And you know, just weddings in part three. I'd welcome to part three of the Guardian Football Weekly. Do you want a fuller minute archie before we get onto the carabout of the championship? The sound the sound I make was when when watching the game is reminiscent of SciShow Bob in The Simpsons stepping on all the rakes. It's just, we are in trouble. We are in trouble. You'll be fine. I think you'll be fine. I don't trust you. You've been watching Tottenham. The risk does not match the reward with Alvaro Abaloa. The whole thing about pretty attacking football is it's so great because you're taking risks. And the thing is, we cannot afford to take the risks that we're taking because we are defensively set up so badly. When the locals are as restless as they were on Saturday, chanting, what the fucking hell is that? When your senior pros in Alex O'oby and Emile Smith throw a deleting insta posts after the game, Kevin, who has been marginalized a bit, you can't really be marginalized a bit, can you? He's been marginalized with posting cryptic monkey emojis on Instagram and the seeming favoritism of the new Real Madrid recruits when, particularly even though he says, you're scored at the weekend. I thought his performance has so far have not really been at the level. There is trouble brewing. Right. There are rifts in the camp over. I don't know about rifts within, but I think the relationship, what I've heard about Alvaro Abaloa and his social competence is not all that promising. I hope that I'm proven so wrong against checks notes. Liverpool away and Manchester United at home, we have no points. But you do have the three promoter teams after that in a role, I think. They all look better than us. Are the Carrot Hommas covered Carrot Hommas raining down on Craven Cartoon from the slans in protest? Well, that's kind of the problem is because the new fans or the expensive seats are well looked after, but all I hear is that about difficulties accessing the toilets in the non Carrot Hommas stands of which there are more than those. They're the Baba Ghanou stands, aren't they? It's not fair, is it? It's not fair. It's funny because whenever there's somebody posts, the full-arm ultra is getting ready for the game and then it's a barbershop quartet singing. I can't help but find it funny. It's like this is pathetic. I need to be better than this. It's a real football club. It's also not true. It's all bullshit. No, it's always gets me. In the championship yesterday, Jarrah Bones scored twice at West Ham beat Bones 3-2. Keep it won't be happy with his second, which was the winner. In my mind, West Ham having a terrible start of the season and now they're top of the championship. Things change very quickly. It's almost like Nikki, you should just say, it's early days, but we can just press it again. Southampton beat Swansea 3-1. It was very noisy. It's like they put them, I don't know what they did with the microphone. It sounded distorted like the sound was just wild there. Rexman Burnley drew in the carabouacup third round last night. Ryan Christie got a first half hat trick. Born with beat Lincoln 4-0. Then we have Barry, the witch was the better chip. It's a question people keep asking. Why can't we just enjoy them both? Commada for Palace or Talby for Sunderland, both breaking clear and then just they're both such lovely finishes of just you just see how good footballers are when sometimes they have a bit of time in space. I'm happy to concede there are both brilliant chips. We can appreciate balls, obviously unbiased and I've got to say Talby's was better, but yeah, just it's an art for him, isn't it? It's a beauty and I mean, Sunderland beat Hole 1-0. Hole missed a good chance to score an equaliser near the end, but now that Sunderland have got past them, neither team put out full strength teams or saw a half strength teams. I now think Sunderland have a very good chance of winning the carabouacup. Oh, of course. Bradford won 3-1 late in or in. Bradford scored no goal. McCauley-Gillespie. I don't have anyone seen this one where it absolutely volleys. He tries to swing with his right phone and it hits his standing leg and goes in. It's like absolute crap 90s football elite level. So thank you for doing that McCauley. Joe Willick scored a late winner at the den, so your cast will be 1-0. Chelsea will play leads tonight. The other fixtures are next week in the carabouacup from the BBC and amateur goalkeeper. The headline is London amateur goalkeeper could be next in line for Ugandan Throne. It's an absolutely fantastic headline. There's an amateur team called the Southeast Don's. Founded in 2014 by British rapper Andrew Don Strapsey-McCue, who has forgiven me, passed me by, but then any music after 1996 is out of my comfort zone. Their current catcher in goalkeeper is called George Desmond Camerasi and he is the cousin of King Oyo Nyimba, Kabamba, Igru, Rokidi IV, who sadly passed away young from cancer 34. And he is a direct descendant of the clam of Bablito and this is not the king of Uganda. That's what the headline suggests it is. Uganda is governed by an elected president and parliament. It has several traditional kingdoms that continue to have a big cultural influence without having a lot of power. So this guy who currently plays in Bexley Heath may become a Ugandan king. It was a great headline. I don't have any questions off the back of it. I don't know if you had any thoughts on this. I've got a question for you Max. Yeah, what is it? Which personality in football do you think would make a good king? I mean, like you instantly would a good king or like a could be a- That's like a king then. Like a kid. It's a totally different question, isn't it? I mean, instantly we go back to Maurinio. That's sort of emperor style, I imagine. I guess some kings, presumably the ones in Scandinavia are probably just quite nice and just potter about, aren't they? In which case, you know, it's just, I don't know, David Pleet. There you go. I think Tyrionry would be a very wise and fair king. Yeah, I think that's fair. I think so. Anyway, here we go. Then Dan emailed. Hi, Max Barry in the panel, writing in hope of a shout out for my long-time best friend Charles out of his wedding this October. In an astonishing turn of cross departmental synergy, his wife to be Laura also happens to be the Guardian's deputy music editor and a Dan fine journalist at that. This feels like a nepotism to be at the top of the wedding running order, isn't it? The marriage of football and music is a lifetime in the making. Charles and I first made friends at school playing in a terrible indie band around the West Midlands in which he was the only Manchester United fan in a slew of gold and black clad wolves season ticket holders. Thankfully, Charles's future father-in-law or a Cornish native also lives up the trope of being a red devil letting nowhere near greater Manchester. So at least they have something to chat about at the reception. Presumably they've chatted before, you know, but anyway, whilst we all know I'm writing to hear a withering put down from Barry on their future together, I can honestly say I've never known two people better suited for each other. I don't mean a lot to Charles to hear your well wishes. If you can make it to Sheffield in a few weeks time, there's always a spot for any of you at the stagdo. Thanks, Dan. That is for Charles and Laura Barry. Yeah, so I mean, we are doing, I believe, three wedding shout outs. We are, yeah. So I'd be interesting to know where the listening figures if they spike, if they go down. I'd say they slump. You think they slump. Yeah. But you know, this is like the unification church in Japan, some young muses, you know, the mass weddings. So we just do one shout out for all three. Do you want all the email? But no, I think so Laura is Laura Snape who writes for the Guardian. I don't know Laura. I've never met her, but I'm a big fan of her musings on music. And I hope she has a very happy time with Charles. And I hope this one works out. This one I genuinely want to work out. And as for them, you doesn't care. It's this one you genuinely want to write. The others, you've just been better than a front. I mean, I keep being confronted by all these people who have found love and happiness and are going to spend their lives together. I've got to die alone Max. Why should I want happiness for anyone else? Well, maybe it's a part of your own happiness is to find the happiness in others. I don't, I don't. Anyway, my good wishes for Charles and Laura are genuine. As for the stagdoons, chef, you know, thank you. No, I'm hopeful, quite hopeful. I will never have to retain the stagdo again. You'll like this, Barry. I'm going on a lads weekend this weekend and connect for in the costumes. Basically, it's already been established that most of them are doing a 20 kilometer run on Saturday morning. Like what's happening to us? I'm going for a nice walk. But yeah, I, you know, it probably won't be wild, I imagine. Dan says, I wonder, this is still on Dan's email. We haven't got this. It's still the first one. I wondered if I could shame us. He asked you not one, but two favors. I'm getting married in October. But this is a bonus add on. And the friends of my football weekly obsessive patrols have asked if I could get him a wedding shout out and have his stagdo on the 11th of September. For his sins, he's a Manchester United supporter. Luckily, so is my dad, which gives them something to talk about presumably at the reception as well, which is the only thing that people can talk about, the reception. Obviously, neither of them from Manchester have ever lived there. There you go. So it's good luck to you, Dan and your partner. Unnamed partner in this. Robyn Dublin, Max Barry and Gang, Rob McCafferty of Dublin, Big Shelbourne fan, UTR. I'm marrying my long-term partner on the 12th Karen who follows Bohemians. So I go to Bohemians. Drop by for a beer if you're around. We're getting hitched after a whirlwind romance of 32 years when you know, you know, he says, I followed the pod from Cali time. It must be a taxi. Wedding shout out to the sector. Me, the show has it all. I love this summer's ensemble of bridge meals. Adverse love towards vegetables. Barry's love of leather. Who knew? We'd love it. I would love it. If you can have a shout out, the big day gets near. Apologies for my tiredness. Keep it lit, lads, as Rob. Robyn Karen, Barry, as you say. Why bother? This is for tax reasons. That one looks likely to last. If the gone 32 years, I reckon that after 32 years, they finally ran out of things to say to each other. And there was nothing going on between, you know, bowls, shells, not too much. Yeah. Series three of Ludwig had finished. Yeah. And there was silence. A long pause in the conversation. And either Rob or Karen sort of went, will we get married? Yeah. Might as well. Something to do. So yeah, good luck to them as well. Good luck to you. And this one says, can move to Friday if needed. So let's move that to Friday. That's enough weddings, isn't it? For goodness sake, the football podcast. And that'll do for today. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Nicky. Thanks. Thanks, Archie. Thanks, Pax. Thanks, Baz. Thank you. We'll see you all on Waltonstone later. If you're listening to this before the show, there is a live stream. So wherever you are on a, we haven't sold seven billion live stream tickets. So not all of you, I have signed up. Not that we have seven billion listeners and get the point. Anyway, we'll see you all later looking forward to it. Guardian for the week. It is produced by James Pike Watson and Jesse Howard, executive producer. It's time for fooder. And we'll be back on Friday. This is the Guardian.