Pull Up a Stool and Look at This Chart

Grab a pint of whatever is cold, pull up a stool, and letโ€™s talk about the absolute circus currently playing out at the World Cup. If you sat down before the tournament and bet your mortgage that Sunderland would match Arsenal in goals, the bookie would have called the police to report a wellness check on you. Yet, here we are in the heat of the summer, looking at a goalscoring leaderboard that looks like it was generated by a broken simulation.

The Black Cats and the Eagles from south London are currently rubbing shoulders with the elite of European football, and it is the funniest thing you will see all year. Let's look at the cold numbers before we start laughing. Sunderland, Crystal Palace, and Arsenal are all sitting on 7 goals apiece.

Yes, you read that correctly. A club that spent years starring in a depressing Netflix documentary about League One misery is currently matching the Gunners, who spent hundreds of millions trying to win the Premier League. Palace, meanwhile, are doing their usual trick of looking like world-beaters on the big stage while their fans wonder why they cannot do this on a rainy Tuesday in Stoke.

It is a hilarious reality check for the self-proclaimed best league in the world. Naturally, the folks at the top of the food chain are exactly who you expect. Real Madrid leads the pack with 11 goals, which makes sense because their squad list reads like a luxury car dealership.

PSG is right behind them with ten, proving that throwing infinite petrol money at French teenagers eventually pays off. But the fact that Sunderland and Palace are keeping pace with these giants is a beautiful reminder that football is delightfully stupid.

The Billion-Dollar Cheat Codes at the Top

Letโ€™s start with the Spanish giants. Real Madrid has turned the tournament into their personal showcase. Kylian Mbappe is doing Kylian Mbappe things for France, and Vinicius Junior is tearing up wings for Brazil, with both men hitting three goals.

They are currently locked in a massive battle in the World Cup Golden Boot race. It must be nice to have a club president who collects elite attackers the way suburban dads collect rare craft beers.

Jude Bellingham has chipped in with two goals for England, showing that he still has that clutch gene. Even Arda Guler got in on the action, scoring for Turkey. He got his name on the scoresheet during Turkey's wild victory over the Americans in the group stage.

Sadly, that 3-2 win over the USA was not enough to save the Turkish team from booking early flights home. Florentino Perez will have to be satisfied with a highlight reel goal.

Over in Paris, the French champions are putting up a serious fight. Ousmane Dembele has already bagged four goals, which is a minor miracle considering the guy usually spends half his career on a treatment table. PSG has goals coming from everywhere, with Bradley Barcola, Desire Doue, Achraf Hakimi, Nuno Mendes, Joao Neves, and Ibrahim Mbaye all hitting the back of the net.

It is a balanced attack that shows they might finally have a team instead of just a collection of fragile egos. Still, you expect them to score because their wage bill could fund a small country's space program.

The Palace and Sunderland Miracle

But enough about the billionaires. Let's talk about the real heroes of this tournament. Sunderland and Crystal Palace matching Arsenal is a chef's kiss moment for anyone who loves football comedy.

Arsenal has built a squad designed to challenge for major trophies, but their players are currently sharing the spotlight with guys who play at the Stadium of Light. It is a massive embarrassment for the Arsenal PR machine, which loves to talk about their global footprint.

Palace fans are probably loving every second of this. They have always had players with bags of flair who occasionally remember how to play football. Having seven goals at this point in the tournament is a massive win for their recruitment team.

It also means their chairman is going to have to turn off his phone this summer to avoid bids for his star assets. You can already see the transfer rumors writing themselves as the big clubs circle like vultures.

Sunderland is the real story here. The Black Cats are matching the heavyweights, and their fans must be absolutely loving it. In a tournament where teams are struggling to break down low blocks, Sunderland's representatives are finding the net with ease.

It shows that you do not need a billion-pound squad to make an impact on the world stage. You just need players who are willing to run through brick walls for their countries. Here is how the English clubs shake out in the goals department:

  • Arsenal: seven goals
  • Sunderland: seven goals
  • Crystal Palace: seven goals
  • Liverpool: six goals
  • Newcastle: five goals
  • Manchester United: five goals
  • Manchester City: four goals

Liverpool's Tragic Assist Machine

Then we have Liverpool, who are doing things a bit differently. They only have six goals, but they are absolutely dominating the creative charts. The Reds lead all clubs with a whopping 12 assists at the tournament.

They are basically the guy in your Sunday league team who refuses to shoot and only wants to play the perfect through ball. It is a very Liverpool way to play football, prioritizing team chemistry over individual glory.

Alexander Isak and Florian Wirtz have been the main creators, racking up three assists each. Mohamed Salah, who is set to leave Anfield this summer, has teed up two goals for Egypt. Ryan Gravenberch also has two assists, while Cody Gakpo and Virgil van Dijk have chipped in with one apiece.

But there is a massive catch to this assist stat. Only Isak and Salah are still active in the tournament for Sweden and Egypt. The rest of the Liverpool creative hub has already been sent home.

Germany and the Netherlands both crashed out in the round of 32, which is a disaster for teams with such high expectations. Wirtz, Gakpo, Gravenberch, and Van Dijk are probably on a beach somewhere, while Salah and Isak try to navigate the knockout stage bracket on their own.

The Manchester Clubs are Stinking Up the Place

Now, let's turn our attention to the real losers of this update: Manchester United and Manchester City. These two clubs spend money like they are playing Monopoly with real cash. Yet, when the biggest tournament on earth rolls around, their players are nowhere to be seen on the scoresheet.

Manchester United has managed a measly five goals, while City is sitting on a pathetic four goals. That is fewer goals than Ousmane Dembele has scored by himself. It is a damning indictment of City's current squad.

They have spent the last decade building a footballing empire, but their players look exhausted and uninspired on the international stage. Maybe they are missing the tactical brain of Pep Guardiola shouting instructions at them from the touchline. Or perhaps they are just tired of winning and cannot find the motivation to perform when they are not wearing sky blue.

Either way, it is a terrible look for a club that wants to be seen as the pinnacle of football. United is not much better. Five goals from a squad that contains some of the most expensive players in history is a joke.

It shows that their issues run deeper than just the manager or the board. Their players seem to carry a curse that makes them forget how to kick a ball the moment they put on a national team jersey. If you are a United fan, you must be looking at Sunderland's seven goals and crying into your pint.

So, what have we learned from this World Cup so far? We learned that money can buy you a lot of things, but it cannot guarantee your players will perform when the world is watching. Real Madrid and PSG will continue to lead the way because that is what they do.

But for the rest of the tournament, we can bask in the glorious comedy of Sunderland and Crystal Palace outscoring the billionaires of Manchester. Pull up a stool, order another round, and enjoy the show.