Shearer's Crystal Ball: Barcelona to Deny Arteta Again?

Pull up a chair, because Alan Shearer is out here throwing grenades into the group chat again. On the latest episode of The Rest Is Football, Big Al dumped a bucket of ice water over North London by predicting FC Barcelona will defeat Arsenal in this season's Champions League final. Never mind that Mikel Arteta's squad just scraped past Napoli 1-0 thanks to Martin Odegaard's late goal. Shearer thinks the Gunners are destined to play second fiddle in Europe for the second straight year after last season's heartbreaking penalty shootout loss to Paris Saint-Germain.

Over on social media, the reaction went off instantly. Arsenal fans brought out the receipts, pointing out that Arteta has built a defensive fortress and that last year's finals heartbreak only hardened their resolve. But neutral observers and Barca stans are having a field day. Barcelona opened their European campaign by flattening Feyenoord 5-1 at Camp Nou. Raphinha sent two Feyenoord defenders skidding into another zip code, Lamine Yamal curled in a free-kick, and summer signing Gabriel Jesus grabbed his first goal in Barca colors.

As reported by Metro UK, Shearer made his stance clear when laying out his tournament winner.

"Clearly it all depends on how the draw goes but I’m going to go Barcelona to win it, beating Arsenal in the final."

Shearer actually has a point here. While Arsenal look solid in domestic action, Barcelona's firepower looks terrifying right now. Adding Gabriel Jesus to an attack already boasting Raphinha and Yamal gives Hansi Flick options that Arteta can only dream of when chasing a game. Arsenal might have the defensive shape, but when the elite sides trade punches in the knockout stages, Barca's top-end talent gives them the higher ceiling.

The Premier League Machine vs Bernabéu Chaos

If you want to talk sheer flex power, the Premier League just put on a masterclass. According to data highlighted by Football365, English teams went full bulldozer mode in week one. Premier League sides out-shot their opponents 102-44, created 24 big chances, and allowed just 5 big chances in return. Arsenal, Aston Villa, and Manchester City all bagged away wins, while Liverpool handled business at home.

Then we turn our eyes to Madrid, where Jose Mourinho is doing Jose Mourinho things. Real Madrid edged past Inter 2-1 at the Santiago Bernabéu, but calling it comfortable is absurd. Inter logged 57 touches in Real's penalty box—the most by any visiting team in Europe in eight years. Madrid's back four featured 21-year-old Dean Huijsen as the only returning defender, and Trent Alexander-Arnold spent the evening looking lost in a midfield trio while Madrid missed seven of their nine big chances.

Club legend Raúl González slammed the performance live on television, and Mourinho didn't even bother defending the performance afterward.

"mad, and not a madness I like"

The Bernabéu crowd was furious, and rightly so. Real Madrid won because they have ridiculous individual quality, but relying on opposition misfires is a terrible blueprint. If Mourinho keeps jamming Alexander-Arnold into a chaotic midfield without cover, a real contender is going to hand them a heavy defeat before the knockout rounds even begin.

Pub Cleaners, Resignation Drama, and Troy Parrott's Cold Revenge

You cannot make this stuff up. Manchester United waltzed into their fixture against Azerbaijani champions Sabah and walked away with a 4-0 win thanks to Bruno Fernandes and Youri Tielemans tearing up the pitch. But the real star of the night was Sabah manager Valdas Dambrauskas. This man literally worked as a pub cleaner and won Lithuania's version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire to fund his coaching career in the UK. When asked about Bruno's performance after the game, Dambrauskas kept it 100 percent real.

"He absolutely destroyed us"

Then there is Troy Parrott, who is currently living out every footballer's revenge fantasy. The former Tottenham teenager got dumped by Jose Mourinho years ago, so what did he do? He moved to Real Betis, scored the winner against Mourinho's Real Madrid last weekend, and then scored a dragged left-footed finish to beat Lille 3-2 in France. Betis fans are treating him like a hero, while Spurs fans on X are banging their heads against the wall watching their former prospect tear up Europe.

Meanwhile in Munich, Bayern smashed Bodø/Glimt with five second-half goals, led by Michael Olise's two-goal performance. When journalists tried to get a dramatic quote out of Olise, the Frenchman delivered the coldest line of the season.

"I don’t know … I just shoot and it goes in."

That is elite apathy right there. Olise plays football like he's completing chores before dinner, yet he leaves defenders with twisted blood every single week. On the flip side of the sanity spectrum, Fenerbahce head coach Ismail Kartal resigned immediately after a 1-1 draw with Roma because a fan threw a bottle at him. Fenerbahce president Aziz Yildirim rejected the resignation on the spot, telling him "We are a family" and ordering him back to work. Turkish football remains unmatched for pure soap opera content.

Milan's Meltdown and the Italian Job Failure

While English clubs are popping champagne, Italian football is going through a full identity crisis. Serie A sat at the bottom of the expected goal difference charts for week one. Napoli got choked out by Arsenal, Roma sputtered in Turkey, and AC Milan didn't even get an invite to the party. As reported by Sempre Milan, journalist Carlo Pellegatti went on a YouTube rant questioning if Milan's hierarchy feels any remorse while watching Como win in the Champions League.

Milan sat in second place from August all the way until April 9 last season before collapsing down the stretch. Now their fans are eating each other alive in comment sections. One camp is celebrating that they avoided Massimiliano Allegri's rigid tactics at Napoli, while another points out that Milan have only qualified for the Champions League 4 times in the last 13 seasons. They are stuck watching Thursday night football while Como plays on Tuesday.

The contrarians in Italy will tell you Inter showed character by taking 57 touches in Madrid's box. But moral victories don't put points on the board in this new league phase format. With only 16 draws predicted across 18 matches, the playoff threshold will be higher than last year's 9 points. If Italian sides don't fix their defensive leaks fast, half of Serie A will be watching the knockout rounds from their living rooms.